Hi All – new to the group and venting 
My husband had his sleep study and won a CPAP... but he can't use it...  He refuses to - we even had fights about it.... he simply refuses to use it because he cannot sleep with it.    I feel bad for him… but after the month of trying we think the C-PAP caused him to breathe differently for some time and his snoring was MILD - opposed to the train wreckage he makes now.    
My husband’s sleep tech also suffered from restless leg syndrome (as does my hubby) and he (sleep tech) was discussing his theory that the reason people still suffer RSL while on the CPAP or after surgery is because RSL has become a sleep habit… (if you think about it – it makes a lot of sense)..
Our Sleep Clinic let me watch my husband sleep and was happy to explain what he was monitoring to me; he even let me join in – it was interesting;  I could see when he had an arousal (sleep disturbance) and watch his heart rate and legs go off!  It was amazing - I could see the correlations!
It’s been over a year since we had the sleep study and I am trying to schedule his surgery for early next year (so we can afford it)  
His worst problem is that he self medicates…  he drinks a few beers to help knock him out…  he admits that the RSL is worse after he’s had alcohol, but he still does it;  he’s not an alcoholic, but one to three nights a week he will just drink to relax and sleep – but it makes the RLS and snoring worse – he admits this!!!  
We’ve been fighting a lot lately… He’s bitter, easily irritated, and will only go to sleep with the TV on (this disturbs my sleep) so he now sleeps in the lounge room on the couch.   I haven’t slept much and am tired and bitter also…(per him)  He’s on anti-depressants for anxiety; an attribute of the apnea  I am sure.   I just want him to sleep well so he feels good .. and for my selfish reasons….I can have the man I fell in love with. Right now he’s unforgiving, bitter, negative and infuriating.  
I want him to use the CPAP again but when I last asked him to try the CPAP again it was WAR!!  I asked gently but he attacked me (verbally).   The CPAP hurts his throat, he can’t sleep with it on his face - I understand this.. he moves in his sleep a lot (the apnea) but he’s so stubborn – I would try ANYTHING repeatedly for relief… I hate feeling like this.   I can’t sleep with him and I miss him when he’s not next to me. I know he sounds like an ar$e, but he’s truly a different person when he’s well rested.
The change in weather has contributed to his uvula becoming elongated, thus increasing his snore volume..   I am scared because when he has his surgery he’s going to need the CPAP for at least a few weeks afterwards.

Enough of my rants….
Thanks for listening - Felicity

I had the surgery the elongated uvula, tonsils, etc..   The surgery included a uvulectomy, tonsilectomy, deviated septum repair and a general trimming of the throat (total roto-router job).  The surgery helped alot (hurt like a mother for a month after surgery and it comes with a drum of pain medication).  Tell your husband to "suck it up" and get used to the machine.  I also had a lot of trouble getting used to the machine.  However, now that I am used to it - I would not go without it.  Following surgery I dont need the machine; however, as I mentioned I love it and love the way I feel in the morning and continue to use it!!!   Hope this helps.

Dave

A wife of a man who is going to have surgery this Thursday, (see my post in SLEEP APNEA HELP! )   I know what you are going through.  John tried to use his full face Auto pack but just couldn't.  But being a former survivor of a triple by-pass he knew the stress that no sleep was putting on his body.  He didn't have to be forced  or manipulated to have this surgery.  He is doing it for himself.  Oh, he doesn't have insurance either.  

My advice to you is to make sure he know all the facts.  Then let him decided.  

Remember we are not their mothers..  they are big boys… and can take care of themselves.  

If they choose to sleep without help, then you have to accept his denial of his problem.  Go fix up your guest room and move his clothes and all his stuff there.  Tell him that you need sleep too.  He made the choice and you are not obligated to keep him in your bed.    Love is a two way street.  He must think of you too.  

It is a harsh reality, but men and women must think of their partners....not only of themselves.

The end.