Coping treatments for the spouses

This section is for spouses of Apnea Patients to provide mutual support.


Coping treatments for the spouses

Postby the brewer's wife » Wed Jun 30, 2010 8:51 am

Having reached a breaking point in dealing with my husband's sleep apena, I've tried a couple of things that normally I wouldn't have. I thought I'd share my results and maybe they would help others, or perhaps you can give me some more feedback.

I normally go to a chiropractor, and my new chiro also does acupuncture. I have been having such stress issues to the point that my tense muscles are pulling my back/neck out and my legs are cramping because I hold all my stress there. She suggested that I do an acupuncture treatment for stress which I did. I can't see I noticed any difference, but i found that through the following days and weeks that I made decisions easier and was able to follow through with tasks better. I made an appt to see a marraige counselor, and I have been to one appt. He understands sleep apena and the stress it causes on marraiges!!! Yeah!!!! Especially the sex part. Feeling very accomplishmented and embolden, I have started talking to my husband more about our sex issues. Next week we go to the counselor together. One of the things that the therapist wants to work with me on is dealing with the panic I have about my husband not breathing. I didn't realize that my unspoken fears are making things worse!

I'm also going to make another acupunture appt next month and I hope that I'll be able to continue with my own improvements, so my husband can concentrate on his health. If I can control/remove my stress it can only be better for the whole family. I strongly encourage spouses to seek a therapist that is knowledgeable in the effects of sleep apena on a marraige. I think this was a really good move!
the brewer's wife
 
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Machine: BiPAP
Mask: Quatro FX
Humidifier: Yes
Year Diagnosed: 2009

Postby Jilly » Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:31 am

the brewers wife - Well done, I wish you luck separately and together, I would like to do the same but being all in French here I don't think I would be able to talk deeply without my mother tongue, yes we could go to UK for that, but we certainly couldn't afford to do so unfortunately.

Will be very interested to hear your ongoing results.

Good luck to you both.



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coping for spouses

Postby the brewer's wife » Thu Apr 07, 2011 8:37 am

The counseling idea has fizzed out. The husband thought my stress and problems were all due to my relationship with my mother/sister and couldn't understand why I would be upset about our marraige. The first marraige counselor turned out to be a moron. To show my husband that I was willing to be flexible, I went to a counselor to address my issues about my mother/sister. She said that there's nothing she could really do for me because I have a very healthy approach to two very toxic individuals, and that if everyone was to come to grips with problem family members in the manner that I have chosen, that she would be out of job. The best she could offer was meditation techniques and the name of another marraige counselor to help my husband.

I work on my stress through chiropractic, accupuncture, and activities that bring me happiness. While hubby and I get along great and have an amiable relationship, we have not had sex since early Jan. He hasn't had a spontaneous erection in a year ..... and he thinks this is normal for a healthy middle-aged male w/ or w/o SA.
the brewer's wife
 
Posts: 65
Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2010 2:43 pm
Machine: BiPAP
Mask: Quatro FX
Humidifier: Yes
Year Diagnosed: 2009

Re: coping for spouses

Postby zephyr » Fri Apr 08, 2011 2:47 pm

Family trauma can affect your relationship with yourself. That can spill over into other aspects of your life,. (been down that road) You may want to examine that possible area.

The fact you unhappy with amount of sex your getting is reason to seek some couples counseling. You may have to approach it with your husband from that angle.

ED (erectile dysfunction) can be due to many thing sleep apnea certainly doesn't help. As a middle aged guy, I know a bit about that as well. The bigger issue is getting your spouse to see it as a problem too.

I could maybe add some more thoughts but its a little out of scope for this forum , feel free to email me off line if you would like to discuss it more.



the brewer's wife wrote:The counseling idea has fizzed out. The husband thought my stress and problems were all due to my relationship with my mother/sister and couldn't understand why I would be upset about our marraige. The first marraige counselor turned out to be a moron. To show my husband that I was willing to be flexible, I went to a counselor to address my issues about my mother/sister. She said that there's nothing she could really do for me because I have a very healthy approach to two very toxic individuals, and that if everyone was to come to grips with problem family members in the manner that I have chosen, that she would be out of job. The best she could offer was meditation techniques and the name of another marraige counselor to help my husband.

I work on my stress through chiropractic, accupuncture, and activities that bring me happiness. While hubby and I get along great and have an amiable relationship, we have not had sex since early Jan. He hasn't had a spontaneous erection in a year ..... and he thinks this is normal for a healthy middle-aged male w/ or w/o SA.
Resmed S9 Elite / Humidaire H5i Heated Humidifier
Swift LT nasal Pillow mask
diagnosed Sept 2010
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coping for spouses

Postby the brewer's wife » Sat Apr 09, 2011 8:03 am

Thanks for commenting, zephyr. We've been in this "hurry up and wait" pattern for so long. The two counselors I've spoken to can't give me anything more to help me with my stress. I've got a healthy viewpoint, I've got a basically great marrigage, I've got stress reducers in place (chiro, accu, hobbies). It helps me deal with the frustration and irritation of it all. I can't stop being irritated and frustrated until what causes the irritation and frustration is removed. I can only cope.

I know that regular CPAP therapy is going to help in all aspects of our marriage/family life. I saw a glimmer of it when he tried the CPAP the first time (his co-workers saw it as well, I might add). While CPAP didn't work well at first, I am confident that once the obstacles are removed, we will progress forward. Unfortunately some obstacles are random chance and some are poor procedures on his part.

Hubby knows that we need to see a counselor, and he's willing to go, but I have to make all the arrangements. He can be an ostrich about problems. If he ignores it, it should go away, right? So, I'm that person that moves things forward. I've been called the nag, the wife that treats her husband like a child, oh, and my personal favorite: the b!#$%.

As for the ED, I was wanting him to address this with his GP 4 yrs ago (before we talked about possible SA) when it was actually getting bad enough that there was little or no performance. This past Dec he finally got a prescription for Viagra. Unfortunately, our insurance doesn't cover it, so when the pharmacist told him that would be $250, he walked away. I called last week and found out that the prescription is still available, I can fill it for a smaller amount, and I can go in and pick it up for him. He is acutely aware that it's a problem, and he wants it to be fixed. It's just too embarrasing for him to deal with.

Don't get me wrong, folks. I still think that counseling/therapy is very important and very effective if you get the right person to the right counselor. Right now I can't even get the horse TO the watering hole, much less talk about drinking! To get him go agree to go, I have to start talking about divorce. I've pulled this one three times now. Sooner or later he's going to figure out I'm bluffing! I'm never going to divorce him! I love him too much. Sigh.
the brewer's wife
 
Posts: 65
Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2010 2:43 pm
Machine: BiPAP
Mask: Quatro FX
Humidifier: Yes
Year Diagnosed: 2009

Re: coping for spouses

Postby zephyr » Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:52 pm

I have sent you a reply its a little personal so I though sent it via PM



the brewer's wife wrote:Thanks for commenting, zephyr. We've been in this "hurry up and wait" pattern for so long. The two counselors I've spoken to can't give me anything more to help me with my stress. I've got a healthy viewpoint, I've got a basically great marrigage, I've got stress reducers in place (chiro, accu, hobbies). It helps me deal with the frustration and irritation of it all. I can't stop being irritated and frustrated until what causes the irritation and frustration is removed. I can only cope.

I know that regular CPAP therapy is going to help in all aspects of our marriage/family life. I saw a glimmer of it when he tried the CPAP the first time (his co-workers saw it as well, I might add). While CPAP didn't work well at first, I am confident that once the obstacles are removed, we will progress forward. Unfortunately some obstacles are random chance and some are poor procedures on his part.

Hubby knows that we need to see a counselor, and he's willing to go, but I have to make all the arrangements. He can be an ostrich about problems. If he ignores it, it should go away, right? So, I'm that person that moves things forward. I've been called the nag, the wife that treats her husband like a child, oh, and my personal favorite: the b!#$%.

As for the ED, I was wanting him to address this with his GP 4 yrs ago (before we talked about possible SA) when it was actually getting bad enough that there was little or no performance. This past Dec he finally got a prescription for Viagra. Unfortunately, our insurance doesn't cover it, so when the pharmacist told him that would be $250, he walked away. I called last week and found out that the prescription is still available, I can fill it for a smaller amount, and I can go in and pick it up for him. He is acutely aware that it's a problem, and he wants it to be fixed. It's just too embarrasing for him to deal with.

Don't get me wrong, folks. I still think that counseling/therapy is very important and very effective if you get the right person to the right counselor. Right now I can't even get the horse TO the watering hole, much less talk about drinking! To get him go agree to go, I have to start talking about divorce. I've pulled this one three times now. Sooner or later he's going to figure out I'm bluffing! I'm never going to divorce him! I love him too much. Sigh.
Resmed S9 Elite / Humidaire H5i Heated Humidifier
Swift LT nasal Pillow mask
diagnosed Sept 2010
User avatar
zephyr
 
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:35 pm



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