the brewer's wife wrote:The counseling idea has fizzed out. The husband thought my stress and problems were all due to my relationship with my mother/sister and couldn't understand why I would be upset about our marraige. The first marraige counselor turned out to be a moron. To show my husband that I was willing to be flexible, I went to a counselor to address my issues about my mother/sister. She said that there's nothing she could really do for me because I have a very healthy approach to two very toxic individuals, and that if everyone was to come to grips with problem family members in the manner that I have chosen, that she would be out of job. The best she could offer was meditation techniques and the name of another marraige counselor to help my husband.
I work on my stress through chiropractic, accupuncture, and activities that bring me happiness. While hubby and I get along great and have an amiable relationship, we have not had sex since early Jan. He hasn't had a spontaneous erection in a year ..... and he thinks this is normal for a healthy middle-aged male w/ or w/o SA.
the brewer's wife wrote:Thanks for commenting, zephyr. We've been in this "hurry up and wait" pattern for so long. The two counselors I've spoken to can't give me anything more to help me with my stress. I've got a healthy viewpoint, I've got a basically great marrigage, I've got stress reducers in place (chiro, accu, hobbies). It helps me deal with the frustration and irritation of it all. I can't stop being irritated and frustrated until what causes the irritation and frustration is removed. I can only cope.
I know that regular CPAP therapy is going to help in all aspects of our marriage/family life. I saw a glimmer of it when he tried the CPAP the first time (his co-workers saw it as well, I might add). While CPAP didn't work well at first, I am confident that once the obstacles are removed, we will progress forward. Unfortunately some obstacles are random chance and some are poor procedures on his part.
Hubby knows that we need to see a counselor, and he's willing to go, but I have to make all the arrangements. He can be an ostrich about problems. If he ignores it, it should go away, right? So, I'm that person that moves things forward. I've been called the nag, the wife that treats her husband like a child, oh, and my personal favorite: the b!#$%.
As for the ED, I was wanting him to address this with his GP 4 yrs ago (before we talked about possible SA) when it was actually getting bad enough that there was little or no performance. This past Dec he finally got a prescription for Viagra. Unfortunately, our insurance doesn't cover it, so when the pharmacist told him that would be $250, he walked away. I called last week and found out that the prescription is still available, I can fill it for a smaller amount, and I can go in and pick it up for him. He is acutely aware that it's a problem, and he wants it to be fixed. It's just too embarrasing for him to deal with.
Don't get me wrong, folks. I still think that counseling/therapy is very important and very effective if you get the right person to the right counselor. Right now I can't even get the horse TO the watering hole, much less talk about drinking! To get him go agree to go, I have to start talking about divorce. I've pulled this one three times now. Sooner or later he's going to figure out I'm bluffing! I'm never going to divorce him! I love him too much. Sigh.
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