I am new to this forum. I am very frustrated and need some help or guidance from other spouses who may gone through a similar scenario.

Here is my story….

My husband had been diagnosed  with OSA about 4 years ago.
After I did a lot of research on the internet and watching him sleep, I suggested for him to go and see a doctor. At the time I also spoke to my Internist and the description I had given him pointed into the direction of Sleep Apnea.
At the time my husband was self employed and insured with Kaiser and did not have the best of care. They did a pretty simple test, he took a monitor home, the results came back pretty bad. The CPAP was suggested and possible Surgery, this all took place in 2003.

Fast forward two years later…. New job new insurance. Nothing had been done, no machine no surgery.

2005 he went to a sleep clinic this time and they diagnosed him with a severest case of sleep apnea they had ever seen. That’s what they told him! By now his Sleep Apnea had gotten more severe. Surgery has been suggested again, stop smoking, loosing about 20 #’s, no drinking and no eating 3 hours before bed time.
He also received the CPAP machine, but it does not work at all, his mouth gets very dry, he swallows the air and  he has even gotten his mask fitted, still no good results from the CPAP. He ears it only when he travel.

We no longer share a bedroom!  I have given up on ever having children with him and seriously thinking about leaving our marriage of only 4 years, simply because he is not doing anything to take care of his medical condition. It is now 2007 he has gained more weight, still smokes and has increased the drinking and occasionally eats before he goes to bed.

As you can see this may not be the right place to unload, but I just don’t know where else to turn, except to see a therapist.
This will, however not do my husband any good, as he is the one with the medical condition.

I have tried to talk to him, but he has gotten a very bad temper over the last three years and when approached gets very angry. I have tried it in a very calm and nice manner with no good results and have simply given up.

I am at the end of the rope. I do love him and I told him a long time ago and keep on telling him, I will be there for him when it is time for the surgery. At the last Ear, Nose Throat specialist appointment, who referred him back to a specialist at the SF Medical Center, which he had seen before a year ago, pointed out to him, that he needs to be more clear on what he wanted.
The Dr very clearly said in front of me that his health is in danger and ha can possible have heart damaged if this is not taken care off.

Please help!

PS; His dad passed away of a massive heart attack when he was only 50. He had Sleep Apnea as well.

Welcome!
I am sorry to hear about you and your husband.
I wish I had some amazing advice for you . All I can say is that I know how you feel and I am hear to listen.Know  you are not alone.
My husband was diagnosed last winter and it was very ruff.
I felt like my life was turned upside down.
We are married almost 13 years and we have 3 kids.
I never stopped sleeping in our room or bed but i was very angry and hated evrything about it.
Now i have accepted it. Somethings have changed and otherthings have not. there are times when i resent the machine  and get angry but with time  one comes to accept it. I can not picture my life without him.
If you love him do not give up, sometimes it is hard for men , they do not always realize how it affects us and makes us feel.
Good luck

I am not a spouse (I have OSA), but I got curious and read this post 3 times. I was not going to post, but can't help it, I have to say something, so hope you don't mind much. I feel very sad at how badly things are going for you. I know it must be killing him, figuratively if not really, to be suffering like this. I can almost feel what it must be like when you describe his increased drinking and pretty much doing everything he has been instructed not to do. Seems he may have sold himself on the idea that he'll die one of these days like his dad, so why fight it? I have to say that _you_ are the reason to fight it, if not for himself. A marriage is not about being an individual anymore, and your feelings and worries have to be understood, and not shrugged off; nor should you be barked at until you go away. I pray that your efforts to help him don't forever fall on deaf ears, and he'll wake up and save his life. You are a good woman. I hope it gets better. A whole lot better.

John


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