August 5, 2007

This started out as a daily log for me, and others who chose to join me, to document our daily progress and struggles with weight loss.  I didn’t have much of a response from people in this endeavor, but that was fine.  Though the company would have been nice, ultimately this was for me.

But then I was struck by unexpected multiple surgeries and complications and my priorities went from daily workouts and logs to just making it through the day.  My challenge became challenges.  This has morphed into a diary of sorts.

If I did not think that my life would change, then I would have ended this thread.  However, just like starting out with CPAP therapy, there is hope that my life will finally be reclaimed.  I am at a juncture, in six weeks I will know if I can walk and exercise (and triathlon) again after a hiatus of two years from walking, or accept a status of disabled and change my life to accept my new reality.  It is a scary but hopeful place.

Either way, I have 40-50 pounds to lose and unless Ed or Mike stops me, I plan to continue to document my journey until I reach my goal in whatever way my reality allows.  So feel free to add your comments and/or join me and add you journey to this thread.

Vicki


Not being nearly as forum illiterate as Mike, Ed or Linda, I messed up and ended up just editing my new intro ahead of an old post, so here it starts:

Average Hours Sleep/night last week:  
Weight change:

Comments:   Today is Feb. 15th.  Despite not being able to exercise, I am down 5 pounds from when I started this thread and 13 pounds down from when I began this life style change.  So I may not be able to exercise, but I can post my weight loss and my CPAP sleep.  So I will.  My doc. and I are trying everything to get the subtalar joint in my heel to fuse and well, heal.  I suggested that we try something experimental so I start that tomorrow.  Send healing thoughts this way please.

I've not been able to walk since Sept. 2005, but I work, take care of my kid and spend a lot of time in musical rehersals and this is getting very old.  I think this log will work better and maybe encourage other people if I continue to add to this thread rather than editing this post.  This is ending up being a mini journal too, so I hope y'all don't might coming along on my medical/personal journey.

Vicki

Weight difference from journal start, -5.6

Detailed log:
Sunday
 hours PAP sleep Saturday night:  6 1/2

Monday
  hours PAP sleep Sunday night:  Not a good night 5 1/2.  Dang it, please quit giving me bags of left over Valentine's day chocolate.  I have NO will power.

Tuesday
  hours PAP sleep Thursday night:  Have to pick up so cleaing people can clean, 6

Wednesday
  hours PAP sleep Thursday night:  Lunesta induced passed out w/out CPAP until 2 AM.  Total sleep 7 hours, sort of.

Thursday
  hours PAP sleep Thursday night

Friday
  hours PAP sleep Thursday night

Saturday
  hours PAP sleep Friday night



Last edited by Vicki on Sun Aug 05, 2007 11:25 pm; edited 6 times in total
_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

Comments:   Today is March 5th.  Weight change:  -7 pounds!!  That is going to change after eating a box of Girl Scout cookies!  But I bought some slacks the next size down.  WooHoo!!  Back to the program since all the GS cookies are gone.  Better than last year when I ate, like 6 boxes.

Vicki

Weight difference from journal start, -7

Detailed log:
Sunday
 hours PAP sleep Saturday night:  6

Monday
  hours PAP sleep Sunday night:  7  

Tuesday
  hours PAP sleep Thursday night:

Wednesday
  hours PAP sleep Thursday night:  

Thursday
  hours PAP sleep Thursday night

Friday
  hours PAP sleep Thursday night

Saturday
  hours PAP sleep Friday night


_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

It is March 12th,

So I know I said I would post my CPAP hours, but they have been too out-of-control so I'm embarrassed to.  Maybe I'll be doing better now.  I had a tremendous amount of work related stress for the last year and that has been lifted.  I am a high anxiety kind of person so the work stressor, coupled with the stressors of being a single mom to a special needs kid and complications from foot reconstruction which has left me temporarily unable to walk since Sept. 2005, pushed me over the edge sleep wise (OK well a little mentally too).  I know, I know, everything would be better if I got more sleep.  But I just couldn't last year. I'm only going to get five hours of sleep tonight 'cause I'm washing clothes and finishing tax stuff I put off until last tonight.  Watching "You're The One That I Want" really shouldn't be a priority over sleeping.  I even have TiVO, what's up with me??  BTW, absolutely do as I say and not as I do     .  

Somehow, I am down 7.5 pounds from my journal starting weight.

Enjoying unlimited amounts of fruits, vegetables and H2O Vicki


_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

Vicki,

You're an inspiration because you're so darned real and honest about it.    What you've described is what it's like for most people. We all know what we should and shouldn't be doing to improve our health, but there are all of these other people and things that need our attention, and we're tired and sleepy, and we want to watch tv and have fun, and, doggone it, I want to eat whatever I feel like eating just like I did when I was 20! And not because I'm depressed, but because it tastes good!

Congratulations on your 7.5 lb loss. It's a struggle for most people to lose that much, let alone having to do it with a bummed up foot.

I'm going to join your challenge. I can't do much about the sleep apnea, but I'm going to work on improving my sleep hygiene and start eating healthier. I'm getting ready to have some surgery so exercise will be on hold for a bit, but then I'll go to work on getting back into an exercise routine.

I'm going to try doing it in very small steps. Today, I'm going to eat smaller portions and drink only plain water without adding anything to it. I have a bad habit of guzzling it down by adding those Country Time lemonade single serve packs to it. Seems like a good place to start cutting.

Good luck to you and thanks for being such a nice person!

SnoozeHunter

It is Monday, April 16th and I can't believe a month has passed since I last posted.  So here it is.  I have gone completely around the bend with my foot issues and I am back up 5 pounds.  Definitely an emotional eater here.  The package of cookie dough got me started on this month-long binge.

I took a great road trip up the coast on Highway 1 (Pacific Coast Highway, PCH) with my daughter last week.  The last 18 months have been so hard on us so I took some bonus money and splurged on motel rooms on the ocean with fireplaces and Jacuzzi’s, room service and nice meals out.  We saw a lot of really beautiful sights and learned a lot about Elephant Seals.  Because I’m disabled (there dang well better be some perk) myself and another gimp got a private tour of Hearst Castle.  I had been there before and was appalled by its opulence.  But this time, I learned that the architect was a woman who was one of the first women students at Berkeley and I went from being appalled to enthralled.

My daughter and I spent hours shifting through sand and rocks at Moonstone Beach looking for Moonstones, round polished quartz agates which are thought to symbolize passion.  We found a bunch.

I fell head over heels in love with Fresnel lenses used in old lighthouses after seeing one years ago and have made it one of my life missions to find them.  I saw a lighthouse out my motel room window and discovered it was near Hearst Castle.  The lights are all now Halogen, but they took the Fresnel lens out and plopped it in the middle of Cambria, the small, beach, tourist town near the Castle.  I stood beneath its shadow, my breath taken away.

Even better, I learned they turn it on for an hour every Friday and Saturday night.  Saturday we were in Monterey visiting the aquarium (don’t ever, ever go there on the weekend, especially if you are in a wheelchair.  The aquarium is very cool and worth it, but there must have been at least 20,000 people there, it was impossible maneuvering the wheelchair through the crowds and instead of looking at cool exhibits, I spent hours looking at other kinds of moons).  Anyway, when we left the aquarium, we hurried back down to Cambria so I could see the Fresnel lens in action.  Score!!!!  It was so beautiful.

So here I am, back to day to day reality.  I got a CT this afternoon and am petrified that my foot isn’t healing.  I try to be a good patient, but my surgeon and I know each other pretty well now and he knows I am losing it.  He wasn’t going to continue my experimental meds. until he had seen the CT, I called him up and told him to humor me and rewrite the script anyway which he did.

I got back on the healthy eating program today (OK I had one piece of pizza left over from this weekend) and I see my sleep doc. tomorrow for a follow up.  He upped my pressure a couple of months ago but I still feel like garbage, may not be an apnea problem now.  I don’t know if you have experienced this, but now, when my CPAP goes on, I actually feel it expanding my airway!!  Weird and comforting at the same time.

Oh, and hey little brother, if you happen to read this, get your apnea treated!!  Love, your big sis.

Vicki


_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

Ack!!  April 26 and I am up 6 pounds!!  I really went around the bend with the news that I have to have surgery again for the fourth time on my foot.  I am better now and back to watching what I eat (OK, except for tonight when I went out with a girlfriend, had a really great Margarita and split a basket of onion rings).

As I told my mental health professional, better over eating than overdosing!!

Vicki


_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

Hi Vicki,
 
Thanks for your post about your road trip on the coast. It sounded great and let me live vicariously.

I think that you already know the ways that sleep apnea wrecks normal metabolism so give yourself credit for making the effort. We all know it’s not easy to lose weight and having an injured foot surely doesn’t help.

Good for you for trying!
And for following up with your docs!
And for telling the truth about your experiences!
And for taking your daughter on a great trip that she will remember forever!
And Thank You for being a great moderator on the Forum!

I’ll join the challenge and will post about anything that I try that works for me.
I need to lose a lot but my (realistic for me) starting goal is 10 lbs.

Vicki, you reminded me of some goodtimes from my past.  Once an office mate commented on the fact that I and a couple of friends must spend a small fortune on lunching out every day, our comment was "it's cheaper than a shrink".  We all need to kinder to ourselves.  Don't beat yourself up over yoyo weight!  As in pap therapy, you'll get it going when you get it going!  Best of luck on you next surgery.  God Bless!  JuJu

It is May 20th.  I think I am over freaking out and emotionally eating over my impending foot surgery (exactly 2 months from today).  My eating was out of control, but I reined it back in and now I’m only a couple of pounds away from where I was before I lost it.

When I eat properly, I let myself have unlimited fruits and veggies.  I can hear a sarcastic, “wow, that is great!â€� but here in California, we have strawberries stands which sell the sweetest, juiciest strawberries which were picked earlier in the day.  I bought a flat today and they were a quarter gone before I got home.

I was trying to get to the gym in the mornings, but I have no desire to get up at 5:45 AM when I’m not able to get in bed until 12-1 AM.  One of my mental health professionals suggested I go to the gym at night after my daughter is somewhat settled in for the night.  I have always been a late night person and strenuous exercise, for me, makes me feel very relaxed and at peace.  So duh   , I don’t know why I have been fighting my natural inclination.

The next issue is still figuring out how to get there.  I want to get there around 9 PM, but I wasn’t home until 10 PM most nights last week.  My daughter and I went for a bike ride last weekend and that felt great.  However, her derailleur was bent so she wasn’t able to shift properly and the chain kept slipping and because of that, she kept swerving into traffic.  That ride was very definitely not relaxing and beneficial.  We got the bikes tuned up and fixed today so we will do a ride next weekend.

I don’t know if it is anxiety or what, but I’m having a terrible sleep disturbance.  I fall asleep fine, but then I wake up at 5:30-6 AM.  Most of the time it is because I need to use the bathroom (OK so maybe I shouldn’t drink a big glass of water before I go to bed).  I have to be pretty awake to get up and hobble to the bathroom, but I can’t go back to sleep.  Until recently, I could always go back to sleep, take naps, etc.  My CPAP seems to be working great however and when I am sleeping, I do a lot of dreaming.

I have to get a new CPAP before my surgery.  My humidifier was recalled in Europe (no idea why it wasn’t recalled here) and I don’t want to take equipment which might be a spark hazard into surgery and recovery with me.  BTW, there are ASAA draft guidelines for CPAP use in a hospital as a sticky in the Sleep Apnea Help section.

I frequently wish I could fast forward my life through the bad parts.  I’m having a two month surgery pre-anniversary anxiety.

Vicki



Last edited by Vicki on Tue May 22, 2007 10:36 am; edited 1 time in total
_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

Hello Vicki,

I am sorry to hear about your pre-surgery status. There’s probably a set reason that the surgery is on its current schedule, but would it help if the surgery could be rescheduled sooner?

I had major abdominal surgery at the end of March. Are you scheduled to stay in the hospital or is it out-patient? If you are in-patient, then I can list some suggestions. Although in my experience, the surgery & recovery (6 weeks) for me was not anywhere near the difficulty of dealing w/sleep apnea.

Your description of your sleep is of concern, and your post includes about four symptoms that are what I experience as sleep apnea symptoms. How can you tell whether or not your apnea is the cause?

BTW feel free to tell me if I am ask too many questions, and I’ll edit this.

No need to apologize!  I consciously make certain things public and expect that they will be read with subsequent questions.  The reason my surgery is in July is because when I am not at my job, I am a musician and I have a major performance June 8th.  Then at the end of June and first couple of weeks of July, I am going back to the Midwest for a wedding and family reunion.  Plus, I have some extremely critical projects to finish before I leave work.  Since I am stable, it is worth the wait except for the anticipatory anxiety.

This will be my 4th major surgery in 22 months and like 15th surgery overall, so I have the surgery down.  In fact, I helped write the ASAA draft document "CPAP Use in a Hospital Setting" which is one of the top Stickies in the "Sleep Apnea Help" section.  They will keep my overnight.  The hospital piece was inspired because my apnea was not treated during one hospital stay and I was too drugged to help myself.  I ended up there five days because my pain and blood pressure were out of control because of a lack of apnea compensation.  A letter to every hospital head educating them about treating apnea patients changed the hospital's policy and gave them a needed awareness.

It is funny that you should mention my symptoms because I was diagnosed and treated 8 years ago for my apnea and I know that I still can blame a return of symptoms on everything else under the sun except my apnea, (job, stress, etc.).  You are right, I need to touch base with my doc.  I am pretty sure something else is going on because the symptoms I get when my apnea is not being compensated are different.  I get monster headaches, snore and have apnea dreams (that I am being suffocated by something or someone).  But, OK, I'd better be a good example and call my doc.  

Thanks for your thoughts!!

Vicki


_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

Hey, Vicki, I get first dibs on getting anxious so long ahead of time.  Get in line girl, pick another time - say 1 week?

Okay, seriously now.  On another support group that I take part in (for hip joint replacements), one of our best participants suggests that you say to yourself something like "Nothing is happening now, probably nothing is going happen tomorrow, or the day after that.  Right now I have nothing to worry about but what is happening right now.  And right now i am [name your activity] and I am going to pay attention to that and nothing else.  If my mind gets ornery and tries to get out of hand, I will disregard that and come back to right now."   Like most mind control, it takes practice and concentration.  

Yes, I know it isn't easy.  I have this problem when I'm trying to go to sleep and it doesn't always work.

Since it seems to help you to speak about it, then speak about it.  And good luck.

Vicki wrote:

It is May 20th.  I think I am over freaking out and emotionally eating over my impending foot surgery (exactly 2 months from today)...I was trying to get to the gym in the mornings, but I have no desire to get up at 5:45 AM when I’m not able to get in bed until 12-1 AM.  One of my mental health professionals suggested I go to the gym at night after my daughter is somewhat settled in for the night.  I have always been a late night person and strenuous exercise, for me, makes me feel very relaxed and at peace.  So duh   , I don’t know why I have been fighting my natural inclination...
Vicki

Vicki,
Sorry to hear about your "freaking out" about your impending surgery.  I think it is only natural; I was very stressed before my septoplasty and I can only imagine what you are going though since your surgery is more intense.  About your gym time, I know everyone is different but my MPH told me not to workout late at night before bedtime.  He told me that it raises your BP, pulse, and body temp and it will not allow you to sleep very well.  You might want to double check about working out late, it could be the cause of your restless sleeping.  I wish you the best of luck finding the right time to go to the gym:-) and try not to think about the surgery (ya, I know easy for me to say )

Hang in there!

Frodo


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...zzz...zzz...zzz... ___...gasp...snort...cough...zzz...zzz...___....gasp...snort...cough...
Successful Septoplasty and Turbinate Reduction surgery?saline irrigation...continuing cpap trial for pressure settings...

Hi Frodo and thanks for writing!,

Yeah, I know my gym time goes against conventional wisdom, but I'm a Master's swimmer and was a triathlete before a gimp.  I had forgotten how much better working out makes me feel at night until my doc. reminded me about my natural rhythms.  I always perform much better later in the day or night.  The serotonin and endorphin dump I get from a late night workout relaxes me, empties my mind and leaves me truly at peace.

I have had a crazy craving for peanut butter lately so I had a PB & J sandwich, fresh strawberries and milk for dinner last night.  Oh, and my friend/healer person popped in unexpectedly at 9:30 PM so she hypnotized me to sleep.  I think she told me I would sleep well and wake up feeling great, but it didn't work that way.  I was awake at 5:45, but just laid in bed PAPed and rested.

I am on another forum for people having ankle fusions and we post our diagnosis, therapy and status.  My signature is really long, but so everyone here can see what I am going through and where I have been, scroll down for my signature.

Vicki

Sept. 2005-Left foot reconstruction, posterior tibial and peroneal tendon repairs, subtalar fusion, metatarsal fusion, and bunion correction.

May 2006-Subtalar fusion revision.  Everything else had healed and fused great.  Cadaver bone graft, BMP2.

Current status-Subtalar nonunion in a very cute and pretty non-functioning foot.

Current Treatment:
Partial Weight Bearing, Ultra-sonic bone growth stimulator.
Forteo (daily injection) - Parathyroid osteoporosis drug which inhibits bone reabsorption (due to osteroclasts), but additionally unlike other osteoporosis drugs, models new bone (activates osteoblasts).  
Fenzian Therapy-Developed originally for RSD and pain management.  Licensed by the FDA for pain management.  I'm using it off label as yet another attempt to try to unblock whatever is keeping my fusion from happening.
"Strong Bones� Dietary Supplements developed by one of my orthopedic surgeons.
Good multivitamin, Omega-3, Iron.
As of 05/03/07 hypnosis by a self-proclaimed "healer".  I mean really, what the heck, it can not hurt anything and at the very least I will sleep better.


_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

My daughter and I rescued some tadpoles from a friends Jacuzzi which she was filling in.  Through Darwinian selection and attrition, we are left with 4 cute Pacific Tree Frogs who live in a landscaped 10 gallon tank with a lake and a waterfall I just put in last weekend.  The froggies love the waterfall and sit on top of it near the top of the tank.  There is Toadie (cause he is brown and has bumps like a toad), Kermit (“myâ€� frog, I knew he was going to be a special green tree frog when he morphed into a frog), Smallie (the runt), Palie (pale).  We will get back to the froggies.

It is May 30th, well for me technically it is still May 29th even though it is 3:30 AM.  I don't consider it the next day until I've sleep which I haven't yet.  I am trying sooo hard to keep my weight steady.  But today (Tuesday), I worked from 9:30 AM until 11:00 PM and those are the kinds of hours I will be working for awhile.  So I get home, zone on the forum, eat dinner (a hamburger I grilled yesterday) and a yogurt and then started eating "just bites" of everything I shouldn't, chips, great cheesecake strawberry swirl ice cream (but it was double churned so the calories are less) and two big bites of a piece of apple pie someone gave us.

I decided I'd sleep in until 8 AM so I hit the sack at 1 PM and OMG, I didn't just have my restless legs, I had a complete restless body issue.  My Requip is NOT working but I refuse to increase doses of drugs that affect dopamine receptors.  Plus, I'm in pain from my foot and I didn't mention a wrist that will be reconstructed the moment I can walk again in 5 or 6 months.  My daughter is graduating 8th grade so she has all of those festivities going on (I'm going to cry, I just sent her off to kindergarten with her hair in pigtails), etc.  So I got up to take some anti-anxiety med that is supposed to help RLS/PLMD and some Tylenol.  Washed my mask off because it is leaking and settle back into bed…    Ahhhhh….

I hear a cat moving under the bed so I reach down and look to pet it.  Something flops and it looks like a toy mouse.  It is completely covered and entwined in cat hair, but it doesn’t really look like a mouse, it is flat, it has eyes, OMG, it is Kermit!!  I pick him/her up.  One eye is glazed over, I think I see a little blood, Kermit is completely engulfed in cat hair and his little legs and feet completely entwined.  I debate about doing a quick stomp to put him out of his misery but I love him and want to try and save him, I wonder if he is alive and I see his little Froggie throat going.  So I wrap him in a wet paper towel and start pouring water over him.  Finally all of the cat hair loosens and he hops mightily, apparently none the worse for wear.  I am thankful cats just torture their toys and don’t kill them.

So Kermit is recuperating in the lake and I am wide awake.  But at least I was awake to save a frog.  I am yawning and hope I can to sleep before I figure I’m hungry and go get something else bad for me to eat.

Vicki


_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.