For all the times I have visited the forum and caught up on the comments, I don't think I have found one that deals with romance...and CPAP.  I am guessing that those readers who are married or with significant others, have been able to change their patterns around or set up different arrangements in their lives to continue enjoying sexual relations and still get a great night of sleep.  I applaud you, and hope that you can continue to add spice to your lives.

My long term relationship ended a few months ago, after 8 years.  The irony of the situation is that he was the person who discovered my breathing problems at night...finally convincing me to see a doctor.  So I have him to thank for pushing me to take care of the situation.  On the other hand, once I was diagnosed and prescribed with a CPAP machine and mask, although he tried to hide his disdain of the therapy, but it was obvious.  Other issues came up....betrayal etc, but he really never seemed to get comfortable with my use of the machine.   It was hard for me...but looking back, he wasn't the type of person that you want by your side...as you enjoy your senior years.

I have been on my machine for just over a year, and I love the sleep that I get when using it.  I  consider it my friend...but my enemy at the same time.  I wish I didn't have to use it, but "if wishes were gold, I'd be rich"!!  Though I am not actively looking for male companionship, someday I hope that I meet a special person and things develop into a more lasting relationship.  But with my prior experience, I just don't know if that will ever be possible.  

So are there singles out here that have any experiences that you care to share?  This is odd, but just how do you approach the subject of your sleeping arrangment.  I use a mask that fits over my nose, with the hose going up over my head, but still not exactly a romantic scene.  

Hi mickiej, that's pretty much my situation. I've been single for three years now after the end of an 8 year relationship as well. My OSA had nothing to do with the split. I began BIPAP this past spring and have no idea how to go about broaching the subject if I meet someone and it develops into something serious. I'm 100% compliant in using my machine, and will not sleep without it.

That's why I joked in the advertisement parody thread about the dating service; the more I think about it, the more it seems like a good idea. I'm wondering if most single folks with OSA might be apprehensive about dating for the same reason. Then again, if someone is turned off to something you need as a therapy that can literally save your life, then they're not worthy of you to begin with.


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ResMed VPAP III machine, bilevel at 22/16
ResMed Activa Mask

I am not single - been married to an angel for 47 years. Yes, the mask does limit sponteniety (sp?)However, may I suggest two things. First, don't put the mask on on until you are ready to go to sleep. Second, when I wake up about 6:00 a. m. for a bathroom trip, I come back to bed but don't put the mask back on.

I'm a new cpap user and in the same boat, Mickiej, and have all same questions. Maybe we should start a Hosehead Singles group?  

Mickie-I've been married for 21 years but....yes the machine does "get in the way" Hubby has no problems with the whole CPAP thing because I've become a much nicer;happier person since last Nov. Can relate to your description of your CPAP relationship. I call CPAP my best friend but for the first 2 months or so we definitely had a "love-hate"relationship going on  
lol     


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EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A TOUCH OF GREY
-Grateful Dead


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The only time I've had to broach the subject with a love interest, I told them that I don't do sleepovers because I thrash in my sleep. I don't know how long that excuse will work but as of now I figure that overnights will have to be something that won't occur until much much later in the relationship.  I suppose with the right person being a hosehead won't make a difference, and I try to remind myself that there could be much worse conditions to deal with.  I suspect the real answer to this situation is in accepting the condition ourselves, without embarrassment.  Look at Heather McCartney... she without a leg landed the best romantic deal of the century.  

My question is this:

  If you can't be open and up front with a person, and tell them about the condition and treatment, and they can't accept it graciously as someone getting treated for a medical condition, like a Diabetic taking Insulin, then are they worth keeping around?

  This might be a little test you can use to see if you want to bother with someone.

  The 1 key point though, is to teach them about OSA, not try to cram it down their throats (rebellion thing you know). Tell them what you have, the machine is yoour treatment, you've been on it for (how long) and it is taking care of you very well, so they won't have to worry about your breathing.


painless

Painless....good advice.  I will keep that in mind as I venture into the dating scene again.

Hey Mickie,

I wish you nothing but the best when you venture back out into the dating scene... my problem has been approaching the subject to who I'm dating... for me, that's the hardest part. Talking about it after she knows makes everything much, much easier because she understands... I told my girlfriend about having OSA and that I have a Bi-Pap and wear a mask... she understands... that's a good thing...

So I guess what I am saying is, when you approach the subject about SA, if they love you for who you are - then they will understand completely... obviously, my philosophy is that if they don't understand, then they are not meant for you... Anyway, I wish you nothing but the very best when you get back out the the dating scene again... Good Luck!


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Best Regards,
Sleepy No More

"Please don't wake me... no, don't shake me... leave me where I am... I'm Only Sleeping"
-"I'm Only Sleeping"
The Beatles

I am scheduled for CPAP titrate next week and inevitably will use a CPAP.  My wife of 6 years is very supportive now.  We love white background noise with an air purifier so I pray that the CPAP will not interfere with my wife's quality of sleep since all of us know all to well what that can do.  It will be interesting explaing the equipment use to my 3 yr old son.  (Dad's a fighter pilot by night?)  I will keep this forum posted as to how the CPAP enhances or detracts from our romance which we are trying to boost following the 1 yr birthday of our second son.

LOL

Tired & GrumpyDad


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I appreciate any and all help. I am sleeping through my children's life and it kills me not being present and alert for them.

This subject comes up on this forum very frequently.  Search for spouse, dating, etc. in the upper right search field.

I have been single for several years.  My CPAP doesn't interfere at all.  In fact, my apnea gives me the chance to educate people (like the international pilot I had a fling with who said "I probably have apnea, but I'm not going to check it out until I retire"-yikes!!).  I explain that I have sleep apnea and don't breath when I'm asleep so I have a little air flow generator that keeps my airway open.  And, not only does it keep me from having a heart attack or a stroke (I usually recite the whole list of detrimental effects), but I don't snore either.  That usually elicits a sigh of relief.

My current boyfriend always makes sure I have my CPAP when we travel.  I don't think he is concerned as much for my health as he is his ability to sleep.  My snoring literally sends him to the far corners of the house.

I've had the time between getting to know someone and sleeping with them to bring up the subject before hand.  As an aside, I have a hard time understanding the lack of spontaneity that some people mention.  It is as simple as taking a mask on and off.  So it hasn't been a big deal for me, besides I know some people who think masks are a turn-on   .  Finally, my attitude is that if someone can't accept this little thing that I do for my health, they aren't worth me.

Love me, love my kid, cats, dog, fish, frogs and CPAP.

Vicki


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That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

I've been single and in serious relationships off and on since I started using a CPAP in 1993. What I've learned is that I've always been the one who has had the most problem with it. I don't mean a problem using the CPAP, but rather I've always been the one feeling overly self-conscious about using it in front of others. In a way, it's been a blessing. It has caused me to slow down the dating process such that I don't share my bed all night with just anyone right away. That doesn't mean "in and outers" are out of the question (quickie sex.) I simply take the courting process a little more seriously and don't share my secret with a person for sleepovers until I know that person well enough. In all cases, the person I shared my "secret" with has had no problem with it. By the time we actually get to the point of sleeping all night together we both know each other and like each other well enough not to care about something as insignificant as a nose-hose.


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A Happy CPAPee since 1993

I'm along the same lines as Amos, I don't put my mask on when I get into bed. I wait until I'm ready to go to sleep. There's usually a good enough period of time (15+ minutes) for anything that is going to happen to develop, and if it looks like my wife and I are just heading off to sleep (before or after sex), then I put my mask on.

My wife is extremely supportive of CPAP, and is the reason I'm trying again (for the 3rd time since 2001) to get completely compliant with it (~1500 hours on my machine, but very inconsistent). She keeps on me to stick with it because she can tell the difference in my personality when I'm getting rested vs. when I'm not. But since neither one of us have ever been the type to wake the other up in the middle of the night for sex outside of a handful of times in our 11 year marriage, the CPAP has never been a problem as far as that goes.


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<--Will-->
http://www.inside-corner.com
http://www.willwillis.us

its not as bad as you think. i found most people were very accepting of the fact i had to wear my mask. i have been on my cpap for about 2 years now and just got married last weekend. i still remember the first time my soon to be wife spent the night with me at my apt. i was terrified she was going to think i was some kind of a weird-o. she really didnt seem to mind it at first, she even joked about how it sounded like the fan in her room so the noise was comforting. now she jokes and calls my machine my mistress and has named it snuff-a-luf-agus. to be honest it was a huge relief when she told me she was ok with it, at first i did sleep with my head under the covers so she wouldnt see it. i understand you concern but to be honest if the person you are going to be sleeping next to is really worth it long term they will adjust just fine. good luck

My husband & I joke that the CPAP machine is the sexiest thing we have ever seen - just because it gives me more energy!!