I was reading my journal the other day and read parts from a bit over a year ago, before I started cpap.  I knew about sleep apnea as only some weird thing my mother had and didn't talk about.  I really wished she had, as she could have saved me a lot of stress and worry.  

Back then I was getting more and more weak.  I could only stay awake for about 2 hours at a time.  I awoke gasping for air.  The doctors, my main one and many specialists just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.  They could see before their eyes in my weekly appointments that I was getting worse, however could not find the cause despite their seemingly constant tests.  Then one night my son prayed that mommy would not die when she stopped breathing at night.  I called the doctor the next morning, she got really silent on the line and then said "of course"  and 7 days later I was one who wears the mask.

Before that day, we thought I was dying.  All around me could see it.  I began to live each day, the few hours I was awake, as if it could be my last day.  I cried that I probably wouldn't see my children grow up and so spent each moment with them trying to make sure it was of the best quality that would last them when I was gone.  After a few months on cpap I started to improve--cpap gave me hope.

Hope for a future with those I loved.  Hope that could do things I had so loved to do.  Like hiking, swimming, canoeing, most all camping.  It had been years since I had energy to do these things.  That very first summer after I started, a mere 3 months I was camping!  It was wonderful to be there out in nature once again.  I was awake.  I wasn't just alive, but I was living.  

Before I started on cpap, I was given a quote although the author is unknown to me, I wanted to pass it on.

"It isn't the moments of breath that we have left that matter, it is the moments that take our breath away."

Now thanks to the hope that cpap gives us, I will have many more moments to have my breath taken away by the miracle of life.  Live this wonderous second chance we have been given.  The mask is difficult at first, but it is so much better than the alternative!!

As I move forward to live each day to the fullest, I wanted others to see the hope that cpap gives us all.  I wish you all the best of luck in your journey of getting back your lives through being able to breath and sleep.

Madre


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Believe in yourself--you are fantastic!!

The best of luck to you as well Madre.

Madre,

Thanks for sharing this. I thought I was dying too. They couldn't find out what was the matter with me and I just kept getting sicker. My wife tipped them off to the fact that I stopped breathing in my sleep. I never thought I'd live to see another springtime and here it is almost autumn again.  It hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it, if nothing more than for the friends I've made here.


Namaste,          Brian

Madre-your post is so right on the money. As you all know I've been an ICU RN for 24 years. I knew absolutely nothing about sleep apnea prior to Nov.'05. I too felt that there was seriously something wrong with me. I had even stopped driving because I didn't feel safe. I thank God for the neurologist who recognized my symptoms and ordered my sleep study. I see him every day at work and he'll also have a special place in my heart!!!! Thank you for giving me back my life,Scott!!! I owe you forever


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EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A TOUCH OF GREY
-Grateful Dead


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Hi Madre.
Thanks so much for sharing your message of hope.

Sometimes I feel so alone, tired, desperate and depressed because of my condition.  But your story of hope and the many other stories I have read in this forum has helped me to remain patient and hopeful for a better tomorrow.  For the past two years, I feel that life is passing in front of me and I could not participate and enjoy it.  

I just started with CPAP recently and I am hopeful that in a couple of months, I will be able to do more things and have the energy to live again.

Thanks for your story.
anna

This past year has brought you many blessings and sharing them has given me "hope".  I hadn't gotten to the point of misery but knew when I woke up tired and had trouble in my day to day life getting my work accomplished, that something was seriously wrong. Unable to stay awake in the evening to watch a tv program, unable to read the books I loved or even a magazine because I would fall asleep, have should have made me question my health. Waking up from a nap feeling worse then before I slept and isolating myself from people didn't do the trick. It was waking up and finding my sweatheart asleep in a chair in another room because of my snoring that sent me to the doctor. Because of posts such as this, I have hope that in the Spring my flower garden will be tended and I will find the joy in cooking a meal for family and friends once again.  I'm amazed at how something as simple as air flow is life changing. Thank you for sharing your story.  The word "hope" is now pressed in my mind as an inititive to never allow sleep apnea to power my life again.

So true, Madre. I've been on my BiPAP for almost four months. Regaining my health has and will continue to be a long haul. I feel so much better, but I'm still dealing with the ravages that OSA has done. I was severely depressed, gained a lot of weight, had edema in my hands and feet from my heart being overworked and a lot of soreness in my legs from (I guess) the lack of oxygen. To date, I lost over 30 pounds, can walk for increasingly longer distances and no longer feel like I want to curl up and die. I'm one of the fortunate ones who has taken to my machine like a duck to water. I get at least 7 hours of sleep nightly, only waking up for the occasional face toot and mask adjustment. It's been a life saver for me. It's my fondest wish that everyone struggling with OSA get the help they need and never give up.


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ResMed VPAP III machine, bilevel at 22/16
ResMed Activa Mask