I have been married for 6 years----I have been so frustrated because of my husband's really awful snoring (I feel like I haven't slept in 6 years!), his constant fatigue, constant headaches, lack of energy, and so on..... I kept telling him that I thought he needed to have a sleep study done, because all our family doctor did was to prescribe Klonopin for him.  He slept better, but if anything snored better, so I slept even less!  At any rate, FINALLY he got a sleep study done.  The first time, he came home because he couldn't sleep there (hmmm... isn't that funny) and then finally on the second study, he found out that while they were able to get limited data (he only slept for 2 hours and no REM sleep) they were still able to diagnose that he does have sleep apnea.  He picks up his CPAP machine tonight.  I am praying that this helps him....and US.  It's been such a strain on our relationship----all of the effects that now seem to be due to the apnea.  
Anyone else been in this situation--as a spouse?

Teresa,

I'm not a spouse, and I'm sure many will comment.

But I've read about and talked with many spouses here who have gone through the same exact problems you have.  Some had to only deal with it later in their marriage, when the apnea progressed to obvious symptoms.  Yes, this has put a strain on many a relationship, marriage or otherwise.  

But you now have an exciting future full of hope, once he starts feeling relief through cpap.  Not only will it eliminate snoring, it can restore his energy, wakefulness, his health, his life.  It may take time, but the most noticable immediate improvement will be the elimination of the snoring, assuming the mask and machine all work as they should.  If there are any problems, most of the time it's in getting adjusted to or finding just the right mask.  You will both benefit from this.  But mostly, you will have a more healthy, happy husband.  He's had many of the classic symptoms.  Now he can find relief.  You both can.
Enjoy this time, be grateful your husband now is getting the help he needs, that you both are.  Life will get brighter, I'm confident.


Linda



Last edited by Linda on Thu Apr 06, 2006 1:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

Hi Teresa,

I can totally relate to your situation, but from your husbands end.  I snored horribly, had constand fatigue, brain fog, lack of energy, etc.  My boyfriend needed to sleep in a silent room and resorted to ear plugs.  It's pretty bad when even the ear plugs didn't cut down the noise enough for him.  I mean my snoring was terrible.  Anyway, I could tell he was upset and frustrated.  He was also concerned about my health.  Sooo I got tested and diagnosed with severe OSA.  I started treatment at the end of September and my wonderful boyfriend now is able to sleep the whole night through.  

Best thing I can say is to have your husband come and look at this site.  It will help him know that he isn't alone and that he can ask for help with any compliance issues he may have.  100% compliance is truly the key and the willingness to look and search for answers to problems.  For instance, finding a good mask that works for you can take a little experimenting.  I went through five masks myself before finding the one for me.  We all go through an adjustment period in regard to this new aspect of our life and getting our equipment tweaked so it works well for us.  

I hope your husband AND you get some great nights of sleep from now on.

Melinda

I wish someone had sat us down and better prepared us for CPAP.  Our doctor said Merlin would have to use a mask.  I had something in mind like a painter's mask.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think there would be a ventilator in our bedroom!!   What a shock!!  He sent me a picture off the internet and all I could focus on was, "CPAP could discourage intimacy."  I was so depressed.  After all, here was a man that was only home 48 hours every week.  This machine was going to ruin the two days we did have together.  I dutifully went with Merlin to get his machine.  Actually, the DME who fitted him was exceptional and a cut above the rest (we have read the DME horror stories).  She gave us a lot of great information on using the equipment, cleaning, etc.   We didn't have to go through a lot of masks, only 2.  The nasal pillows work great, the nasal mask doesn't work quite as well.  When I fussed a little bit about the machine going into OUR bedroom, Laura said, "impotence is one of the side effects of sleep apnea, as well as heart attacks, strokes, etc. etc."  It was a big adjustment for us both.  I think in the beginning it must give the user the sense of smothering.  We played soft music at bedtime and in about a week or so he was quite comfortable with the machine.  The machine bothered me at first with the noise, but it is more quiet than his snoring.  Sometimes he wakes me up with a high pitched whistle and I kick him and tell him he's not getting a good seal and to fix it.  He kindly takes "Bocephus" apart every day and puts him away.  At 47, I wasn't ready for the nursing home equipment to be in our bedroom.  It's not exactly a Martha Stewart accessory!    He actually leaves the machine on the floor at night, so if we are in the mood for romance, it's out of sight and out of mind!  We were just existing before.  I couldn't figure out why he was still in bed at 10:30 a.m. on Saturday.  He would just sit in the front of the computer.  Sex is great again; everything is working the way God intended it to!  After the 2nd sleep study, (he has severe obstructive sleep apnea) I wouldn't let him drive to Houston to his job again until he got his machine.  For a week, he slept in the recliner with a thick towel behind his neck and I  slept on the sofa.   He actually got more rest in the recliner pre-machine than in bed.  Sleep apnea runs in his family.  Both grandfathers (now deceased) had it.  One second cousin has it, his father has it and we believe his brother has it.  Dad and brother refuse to admit that they have it.  According to Dad, "he used to have sleep apnea."  I guess his sleeping in the recliner doesn't count!  Brother gets up every hour on the hour to pee and get a drink.  His wife uses earplugs.  The second cousin recently got his equipment and as far as we know  is doing great.  Merlin has done his part in sticking with it.  I see so many people on this site that get discouraged after the first night or two.  They admit they sleep better, but for whatever reason, refuse to use the equipment.  If the two of you can stick with it and laugh about it, you will still be together for a 50th anniversary!  Good Luck!

merlin's wife wrote:

What a shock!!  He sent me a picture off the internet and all I could focus on was, "CPAP could discourage intimacy."  I was so depressed.  After all, here was a man that was only home 48 hours every week.  This machine was going to ruin the two days we did have together.

Discourage intimacy!?  That's crazy.  Merlin could be wearing the mask, and in his best Darth Vader impression pull out his lightsaber and ask you "who's your father!"

I mean come on, who doesn't think Vader is sexy?  You could buy him a cape and even get a great replica lightsaber that lights up and has sound effects http://masterreplicas.com/customer/starwars/starwars_product_detail.php?pid=8387

(I'm so getting banned for this.)


_________________
Any spelling or grammer errors in this post I hereby blame on my apnea.

Can't you just see a naughty supplies site selling 'accessories' for us cpap users?

Darth Vader?  Snape?  Hobbits????  Mel Gibson???

It's so funny I just busted my seal!

diana

   merlin's wife-I applaud your humor and support.Too bad more spouses don't have your outlook. I am lucky-but you sound AWESOME!!!!         


_________________
EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A TOUCH OF GREY
-Grateful Dead
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO~ http://tinyurl.com/6ampg3

I need help in knowing how to handle this situation.  I am married to a man who was diagnosed with sleep apne probably about 8 years ago.  He probably had it all of his adult life, as he has always had trouble controlling his blood pressure.  He was prescribed a CPAP machine, and didn't like it from the onset.  So, he continued to put stress on his body all these years, and to put people at risk every day that he drives.  (from the time I have known him, over ten years, he has not been able to stay awake in a vehicle, whether he is driving or a passenger. Usually within 10-15 minutes, he is drowsing off, and in total denial that he is doing so.)  To make a long story short, his personality is one of never taking responsibility for his behavior, and we are seperated.  
   Now, he thinks, because we are no longer living together, that he should be able to drive our children wherever he chooses.  He will even put his children at risk and lie, claiming that he is using his machine.
   He might be trying to use his machine occasionally, so that he can claim he is using it.  However, he has now also decided to become a truck driver.  He drives long distance, with tons of cargo in the back of his truck.
   I need to educate the Court, and I need to do what is necessary to protect my children, because their father won't do what he needs to do.
   Can anyone help with this situation?
     Deb

merlin's wife wrote:

I wish someone had sat us down and better prepared us for CPAP.  Our doctor said Merlin would have to use a mask.  I had something in mind like a painter's mask.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think there would be a ventilator in our bedroom!!   What a shock!!  He sent me a picture off the internet and all I could focus on was, "CPAP could discourage intimacy."  I was so depressed.  After all, here was a man that was only home 48 hours every week.  This machine was going to ruin the two days we did have together.  I dutifully went with Merlin to get his machine.  Actually, the DME who fitted him was exceptional and a cut above the rest (we have read the DME horror stories).  She gave us a lot of great information on using the equipment, cleaning, etc.   We didn't have to go through a lot of masks, only 2.  The nasal pillows work great, the nasal mask doesn't work quite as well.  When I fussed a little bit about the machine going into OUR bedroom, Laura said, "impotence is one of the side effects of sleep apnea, as well as heart attacks, strokes, etc. etc."  It was a big adjustment for us both.  I think in the beginning it must give the user the sense of smothering.  We played soft music at bedtime and in about a week or so he was quite comfortable with the machine.  The machine bothered me at first with the noise, but it is more quiet than his snoring.  Sometimes he wakes me up with a high pitched whistle and I kick him and tell him he's not getting a good seal and to fix it.  He kindly takes "Bocephus" apart every day and puts him away.  At 47, I wasn't ready for the nursing home equipment to be in our bedroom.  It's not exactly a Martha Stewart accessory!    He actually leaves the machine on the floor at night, so if we are in the mood for romance, it's out of sight and out of mind!  We were just existing before.  I couldn't figure out why he was still in bed at 10:30 a.m. on Saturday.  He would just sit in the front of the computer.  Sex is great again; everything is working the way God intended it to!  After the 2nd sleep study, (he has severe obstructive sleep apnea) I wouldn't let him drive to Houston to his job again until he got his machine.  For a week, he slept in the recliner with a thick towel behind his neck and I  slept on the sofa.   He actually got more rest in the recliner pre-machine than in bed.  Sleep apnea runs in his family.  Both grandfathers (now deceased) had it.  One second cousin has it, his father has it and we believe his brother has it.  Dad and brother refuse to admit that they have it.  According to Dad, "he used to have sleep apnea."  I guess his sleeping in the recliner doesn't count!  Brother gets up every hour on the hour to pee and get a drink.  His wife uses earplugs.  The second cousin recently got his equipment and as far as we know  is doing great.  Merlin has done his part in sticking with it.  I see so many people on this site that get discouraged after the first night or two.  They admit they sleep better, but for whatever reason, refuse to use the equipment.  If the two of you can stick with it and laugh about it, you will still be together for a 50th anniversary!  Good Luck!

Excellent, well done. The team approach does work............and who said intimacy is finished..........what about the extra energy and interest.
   

Daniel


_________________
The untreated Sleep Apnoea sufferer died quietly in his sleep.......
Unlike his three passengers who died screaming !!!!!!

(Anon)

Deb,

So sorry to hear you are going through this.  First and foremost I think you should turn him into the DMV.  He is endangering a lot of lives.  Second, make him prove he's using his machine.  There are machines out there that keep track of the time the machine is used.  Since he's decided to become a trucker, I'm hoping they would require this type of machine with periodic downloads required.  I have a machine that tracks my hours and pressures, it's called an APAP.  I would suggest this just so they could see if he's trying to "fake" his numbers.  Next, does he have proof he's bought filters, hoses, and masks over the last 8 years.  Since he would get a billing statement and it would be partially paid by the insurance, then if no claims were filed it should show the court he didn't use his machine.  You need to change filters regularly and masks don't last 8 years.  Have other family members seen him while he's driving, or when he nods off atomatically?  I'd say if so, then have them testify.  You aren't trying to hurt him, you're trying to protect your children.  If he works for a trucking company, you may want to alert them to this.  He's a major danger to ALL OF US and with him hauling tons of cargo he could kill a lot of innocent bystanders.

Please keep us updated.  It might seem harsh to turn him into the DMV and his company, however, there are more people here at risk than just him.

Melinda

Hi Melinda:
    thanks so much for replying, as this has been such a struggle for me, and I have had a hard time convincing my attorney(via conciliation) that just because Scott says he is using his machine now, I am not convinced.
   We separated in January, 2006.  When married, I drove everywhere we went.  When he moved out, his CPAP machine was the last thing to go, and only after I made it an issue.  It has never been his priority, only mine.
   He started driving long distance truck within the past two weeks, to earn more money.  Something he should definitely not be doing.  I have really struggled with what is my responsibility and what is his.  I have had to threaten his attorney with a wrongful death law suit if anything happened to these children, and all his attorney cares about is making things tough for me.  He could care less about what is the best thing for these children.
   When Scott was first prescriped the CPAP, there was some type of device put on there by the sleep clinic to measure his usage.  He would turn the machine on at night and just let it run.  
   I am interested in learning more about this device you are mentioning.  Is it foolproof?  Because if it is, he will find a way.
And how effective is a CPAP machine if it is only used once in a while, or maybe a few hours a night, and a couple nights a week?
From everything I have read, it has to be used every time he sleeps, nap or otherwise, for the entire time he is sleeping.  Then, in addition to not using it or not using it regularly, he works various schedules, nights, days, and long hours.  His sleep hours always vary.
   How can I best educate my attorney to effectively represent these children?

Thanks so much,
    Deb

very interesting, but I don't agree with you
Idetrorce

Let me phrase this discreetly. Some of the conseuences of CPAP treatment can make male intimate plumbing function better and thus enhance sexual contact. Anyway, just make sure he sleeps wearing only his CPAP mask at home and you can do what you want with his lower areas.... Seriously truckers who are not getting enough sleep must accept the need for CPAP, and if you are dcommitted to each other you will be able to help him work it out. And he doesn't put it on till you get to the sleeping stage....
Hang in there, it is not so terrible having a small CPAP tucked away next to the bed


_________________
Arthur
Sleeping with a curvaceous blonde autoPAP (Resmed autoset). Surviving, and in small ways doing better. Maybe there will be that big surge of energy, and easier weight loss one day. Hope springs eternal.....

I'm currently trying to talk my husband into taking the test.  He was supposed to go 2 years ago right after we got married but he didn't make it since it was scheduled for the day after he was to have surgery. His brother is supposed to be using onebut I don't think his pressure is right for him, along with he didn't give it a whole lot of time. So his horror story is keeping my husband from taking the test. I work @ a DME company and have tried getting him to take the overnight @ home sleep study so that if he does have apnea (which I'm pretty sure he does) he'll see how bad he needs to take the test at the hospital so he can get set up on a machine.  Any suggestions on getting him to do it?