Well, I have had sleep apnea for about 8 years and it took me awhile to get used the darn thing.  I have had girlfriends over this time period and they have tolerated it well.  I usually wait a  bit to tell them about it and let them see the silly thing.  I have a bipap and nasal aire and I admit it is quite noisy.  I   have called my company that supplies the machine and they will not cover a new one until 2011.  

What it comes down to is I have not worn it with my new girlfriend which shows it is not important I am sure.  I have been having some troubles sleeping and also feeling moody and grumpy so I decided to reincorporate it into my life.  The one time we tried to sleep in the same room she had to leave to go to another room.  She came back and wanted me to shut it off because she cant sleep.  We have talked about it and she says that although I am going to be getting quality sleep why should she suffer and not sleep.  I told her it will take time and she will get used to it.  We are new in our relationship (9 months) and I would rather not sleep apart when we do have time toogether.   I read an article on how the other person normally sleeps better when the machine is being used due to no interruptions.  

I want her to be able to support me so that I can feel better, but i also dont want her to suffer as well.  Where can we find a happy median and/or what can I do to help her sleep better while I get the rest I deserve as well.

Doug

A quieter machine will definitely help, but in the meantime she needs to understand what SA is and the negative effect it has on your body if you don't use C-pap therapy.  This has a negative effect on your heart, blood pressure, feeling lousy and sleepy at home, work, play etc etc.  It also has a negative impact on your love life.  She may want to consider that.  Bottom line,  she should care about your health and what is in your best interest.  This is life threatening, not just a passing problem !   I am sure it is difficult for her since she is not used to it and hopefully the new machine will take care of that, but it can be deadly for you in time without it.  

Perhaps taking her with you to your next doctor's appointment will help.  If not, you really need to ask yourself if this lady cares about you.  It is unfortunate but this is a serious problem and your life depends on it.

Good luck and take care.


_________________
REMstarplus, M Series with C-flex and heated humidification
C- Pap setting of 10
ResMed Mirage Quatro full face Mask
Sleep study showed 36 events per hour
Location, Nebraska

Doug,

This GF needs to understand how important a cpap is to YOUR health. (Agree with "Something New".) It is not an option that you use occasionally.  If she truly cares for you, she'll work WITH you on this one.

Her sleep is important, but your life could depend on good sleep too.  

My husband used a cpap for 20 years before I got mine. (We're both hose-head/ snorklers.) GF needs to work with you on this health issue or she isn't a keeper.  Yeah, I know some machines are a bit noisy but they don't compare to the decibel level of snoring.  

In the meantime, you could try a few things:  ear plugs for her, lower your cpap below the level of your mattress to deaden some sound.  I hate to suggest that she move into another room as that sets a precedence for future behavior.

Geesch,  I wish she'd work with you on this.



Last edited by Dianne on Wed Mar 04, 2009 4:52 pm; edited 1 time in total
_________________
Dianne's: Remstar Auto M, C-flex, humidifier, smart card. Mask: Swift LT, AHI- 23, lowest blood ox 80%.

John's: Same cpap, Mask: Respironics Profile-lite mask.
severe apnea, Cpap user for more than 20 years.

hi Doug and welcome to the forum!

From your post it sounds like she is basing her fear of not sleeping on just one night, is that right?  I hope she will gve it another try, because people do get used to it, as you have found previously.  She might be a very light sleeper, sensitive to noise, heavens, she might even have some sleep apnea herself (if she is woken easily by sounds).  I guess you aren't a loud snorer without your BiPAP on (or she can sleep through snoring)... usually partners/spouses find the CPAP noise much better than the snoring and the other disturbances of sleep apnea.  Like the others have said, keep discussing it with her... let her know that if you don't use it you become unwell, like you did before you were diagnosed.  Hopefully she will come to understand that it's not an optional thing for you, you have to use it... and hopefully if she will get used to the noise.

Back before my diagnosis of sleep apnea, my last boyfriend made me sleep in the spare room because of my snoring.  He later ended our relationship (hey, he might have done that anyway).  On my sleep study my snoring is "moderate" not "loud" and plenty of people have been able to sleep around me - it depends on their sensitivity too.  Anyway, on CPAP I don't snore at all.  I'm just saying this to give you an example of what can happen without CPAP.  There are probably more examples on this forum of relationship problems caused by untreated apnea (snoring, stopping breathing, gasping, wriggling, kicking, hitting, sweating, frequent trips to the bathroom at night, mood swings, irritability, aggression, sleeping during the day, car accidents, job loss) than there are caused by CPAP (a low to moderate hum).


_________________
"Attitude is a little word that makes a big difference" - Winston S Churchill
Machine: Respironics M Series Pro, 17cm
Mask 1: Respironics Comfortgel nasal
Mask 2: Resmed Quattro full face
37yo female, New Zealand, Mixed SA, AHI 45

Thanks for your responses and giving me some ideas and giving me some feedback it is all appreciated.

Doug

I've only heard my husband's CPAP and never a BiPAP, but I imagine is has a rhythmic sound.  Would that be right?  

He puts his machine on the floor on the far side of the bed and I can't hear it at all.  Where do put your machine?  If it's not on the floor, maybe you could try it there.  If it already there, then I guess I'm out of ideas.

How about running something like a white noise generator or a fan that is louder than the PAP?  Does she have to have complete silence when she sleeps or could she tolerate listening to a fan?

Vicki


_________________
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Marilyn Von Savant

That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

Well, she said lets give it another try.  The machine is not on the floor and I can probably do that part.  The issue is the noise from the actual nasal air.  It goes up in my nose but has little relief (??) holes underneath my nose that has air that comes out of it.  My bipap breathes in and out with me at night so it might make more noise than a cpap.  I have called also to maybe get a different mask.  This has caused a week of fussing and fighting between us because I want to be able to be next to her in bed and not live the rest of my life sleeping separate.

Doug

that's great news, wm.  you might want to let her know that a different mask may be quieter, and you may need to try more than one before you find the right one.  i think bipap might be slightly more noticeable noise-wise than cpap but i have never heard a bipap so i don't know.  almost all masks have exhaust vents... but there are some without them - and i think they are only suitable/safe for use with a ventilator.  have a look at the resmed.com webpage as they have a small category of these masks.  no idea if they would be suitable or helpful for you though.  you might also want to start a post on the "cpap machines and masks" board here to ask if anyone can recommend a good mask that is reasonably quiet.


_________________
"Attitude is a little word that makes a big difference" - Winston S Churchill
Machine: Respironics M Series Pro, 17cm
Mask 1: Respironics Comfortgel nasal
Mask 2: Resmed Quattro full face
37yo female, New Zealand, Mixed SA, AHI 45