My fiance snores like a frieght train.  If he is not snoring, he is not asleep.  He stops breathing (chokes) for 8-16 seconds as much as every 10 minutes but often, not at all.  Is this apnea severe?

  He has extreme difficulty dealing with everyday life.  He only wants sex in the mornings, falls asleep the within a minute of sitting down, watches tv in an obsessive trance, is capable of sleeping in any position and falls asleep in mid converation and sometimes mid sex for that matter.  Despite us having a wonderful relationship this has put a severe enough strain on us for me to leave him.  For the countless night in a row I have tried to have a very serious, life altering discussion about our future and he has fallen asleep in mid sentence.  I am in desparate need of help.  

My questions are:

The episodes where he stops breathing seem very infrequent.  How often do they have to effect someone this much?

It seems to me there is another factor at play.  Any suggestions?

Does snoring seriously affect sleep quality?

Also he was diagnosed last year with moderate apnea when sleeping on the side and severe when on back.  He is going to the lab again in March 06.

I guess I also want to know what to expect.  I don't honestly know if I can wait that long to find out he will perpetually pay no atention to me.

Any thoughts opinions or support would be kindly appreciated.

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Last edited by another_guest on Tue Oct 31, 2006 10:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

He was casually offered it.  I don't think the doctor thought it was completely warranted.

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Last edited by another_guest on Tue Oct 31, 2006 10:46 pm; edited 1 time in total

I wouldn't leave him because of the symptoms and behaviors that you've described; those are not uncommon with untreated apnea and can likely be fixed in time, if that's truly the cause. It seems to me that the doctor who treated it so casually is the one to drop here. If your fiance was diagnosed with moderate to severe apnea, the doctor should have had a serious talk with him about his condition and insisted on some type of therapy.

Time to move things along as was suggested by another_guest. See a sleep specialist as soon as possible and get him on therapy.

Now...if the problem is that your fiance doesn't want treatment for his apnea, that's another matter. Then I'd say he might have issues in addition to sleep apnea and you need to take a good hard look at him and decide if that's what you want to make a commitment to for the rest of your life.

Please give the guy a chance, as he is struggling for his life too.

If you have the patience, please help him resolving his apnea problem first.
Then decide if you want to leave him.

I know it's hard, because my wife is trying to give me the utmost support -
but we already have 2 kids in 5 years of marriage, and I wouldn't be
surprised if she is thinking what you are thinking.

I would recommend that you learn about apnea, more than your fiancee
knows.

What my wife doesn't see at this point, is that I thank her from the
bottom of my heart for having such patience with me. I want to do so much
to make up to her after I get this apnea under control. Is there a chance
your fiancee is thinking the same way?

It took my wife at least 3 years (and a few incidents at work) to convince me that I needed to see a doctor.  I didn't think it was that big a deal.  I had all the same symptoms as your fiancee, I even fell asleep in the middle of meals.  I've only been on my cpap a little over two weeks, but things are already turning around.  No more naps, I can concentrate again, and yes I'm feeling frisky again.  Things can get much better with the right treatment, but treatment is not a casual thing it is essential.  Sleep apnea can not only cause the symptoms you describe, it can cause heart disease and increase the chance of stroke.  Try to get your fiancee to a sleep center in your area for diagnosis and treatment.  Also, assure him that the machine and associated head gear is not going to scare you off.  That is a concern for a lot of people.  He will be forever grateful to you, trust me.  My wife helped give me back my life and I thank her every day.

SGN

I too was told by my wife that I would snore like a  freight train and then she would awaken to my not breathing.  She said there were times when she would lay awake for several seconds wondering if I would start breathing again.  Then, with a loud snort, I would start breathing again.  I discussed this with my GP and he passed it off without concern.  Finally, a few years ago, I went to a pulmonary specialist to treat my lifelong allergy problem.  I mentioned that I snored llike a train and, according to my wife, would stop breathing while I slept.  Before I left the clinic he had arranged a sleep study for me.  It is amazing how much the CPAP helps.  I can now go to a movie and not fall asleep as soon as it starts.  I no longer have to force myself to get up and do things.

My husband was showing the signs of sleep apnea, and it took awhile to get him diagnosed. I experienced the same feelings you are. He would fall asleep while talking, everytime he went to the bathroom, while eating, driving, and standing. He would stop breathing while asleep, and I would always wake up and count the seconds he was not breathing. It was funny when he got his machine I had to get used to not hearing him snore. I did miss him, and he would avoid converstions with me. The main thing was that I missed him. We stopped going out to eat, or anywhere else. He was finally diagnosed with very severe sleep apnea. I would say encourage him to seek treatment. My husband is on the CPAP now, and it is amazing. He is slowly coming back to me. I understand how you feel. Just hold on, and give him the benefit of the doubt. Lack of sleep can effect attention span, and emotional well being.

It is nice to see that other people have the same issues I do with a partner having apnea. I sit here tired and grouchy, because when he is making noise, snoring, snorting, tossing, coughing, choking, and turning blue...I am not sleeping well either. He falls asleep at the drop of a hat...mid sentence, on the pot, during sex *really is it that bad?*, wherever...I am at whits end...but I love him and I just have to plug along....but god I am tired.

I agree with the suggestion that he find another doctor.  When I went to my sleep doctor initially and reported my symptoms, he scheduled me for the sleep lab within a couple of weeks.  After reviewing my test results, he said I needed to go back to the lab ASAP to be tested with the CPAP.  If your boyfriend is having such severe symptoms, I just can't believe they are waiting until March to do something.  I can't imagine how miserable you both must be.

I know you are really suffering right now, but please try to give him as much support as possible.  It took me years to get tested and that was because I was in denial and didn't want to deal with it.  But I was miserable the entire time.  Luckily I have someone special in my life who approached me with love and concern when he witnessed my snoring/choking/thrashing first-hand.  It was only with his encouragement that I sought treatment.  

I just joined this board but it has already helped me.  I hope you will find support and encouragement - and a wealth of information - too.

Best of luck to you both.