My husband has undiagnosed sleep apnea and he refuses to go to a doctor. He does not have a primary care doctor as he doesn't go to a doctor for anything. The thing is he is a doctor!!!!! This is not a joke or anything. He has had the sleep apnea symptoms for some time and they are gradually getting worse. He has roughly one apnea spell every minute of his sleep which over the course of a night is hundreds of episodes. Most of his apnea episodes last 20-40 seconds. Occasionally he has one that lasts more than a minute. I sleep in another room most of the time but can still hear him. When more than one of my adult children are visiting I at least start out sleeping with my husband ( no available other beds) but wind up moving to the couch during the night.
He has developed his own coping mechanisms for dealing with the daytime sleepiness. He shakes his legs continuously while driving a car and so far this has kept him from falling asleep at the wheel (as far as I know). On a Saturday (when he is home most of the day) he usually falls asleep as many as a 6-10 times. He feels it is OK to fall asleep during meetings at work. He is quite an intelligent and stubborn person so I am sure he has coping mechanisms that I don't even know about. His job is very importand to him and his existance (one would not call it a life) seems totally to involve his work and dealing with the sleep apnea. Our daughter recently moved and he did not even ask where she moved to or her new address or anything!!!!! Even though he seems to be getting by this is a very sad way to exist.
The only medical proceedure my husband went in for has been a colonoscopy ( he ordered it himself so he did not have to go to a doctor). He has a family history of colon polyps and is as Oncologist ( cancer doctor), so he has some concern about cancer. He was sedated for the proceedure. I think they gave his versed (sp?) and demerol. When he woke up he was recieving oxygen. He asked the nurse why (I of course knew why). She merely patted him on the shoulder and told him he needed to be reminded to breathe during the proceedure. I thought someone there would suggest that he get a sleep study but it nwas never metioned.  He did not have any colon polyps.
All the spouses out there shold be aware that sleep apnea patients are in danger if they are given any medication that depresses respirations (narcotic pain killers,sleep medications, anesthesia) and need close monitoring while under the effects of these medications. I think sometimes spouses need to insist on this.
Our children have all heard and observed his snoring and apnea and I have explained the condition to them. I can't get them to talk much to they're Dad much about it. They are of an age (25, 23 and 19) where they are just not worried about illinss or death. He has worked at the same place for years and I think some of the people there feel something is up with him. One doctor keeps leaving articles about depression on his desk.
It is clear that my urging him to go to a doctor has no effect. What do I do?
I am afraid of all the obvious things- He will die in his sleep. He will have a heart attack or stroke and die or be disabled.
It is good to vent. All ideas will be appreciated
Thanks

Hi Missy Dodger,

I'm not a spouse but I sure found your post sad.  What a shame your husband is being like this.  And a doctor, yet.

And I agree, it's irresponsible for that hospital to not warn patients or their doctors about the breathing problems during other surgeries, so often it's the hospital that recognizes it.  You are ABSOLUTELY right in warning that sleep apnea patients are in danger if they use medication that depresses respiration.  And they are in danger during surgery, as you've noted.  My brother and I have sleep apnea.  He has had two surgeries in the past few years, and because they know he has sleep apnea, they make sure he has a breathing tube down his throat during surgeries.  

You gave an estimate of how many times he stops breathing, is that just from observation?  He's not had a sleep study, right?  It could well be he stops breathing even more often than you've counted.  

Has your husband been given tough talk from his doctor friends?  (I mean other than leaving articles for him to see.)  Has anyone asked him point blank if he knows that untreated sleep apnea can kill?  And if he says yes he understands this, then ask him why is he committing suicide, because that's what it amounts to.  Consider recording his breathing (snoring, gasping, breathing stoppages) and play it back for him.  

You didn't mention driving, but has he has problems with that?  You say he's a doctor, what kind of doctor?  What I'm really asking is what kinds of doctors work with him?  Have you talked to any of them?  As you said, urging your husband to do to a doctor isn't working.  Maybe urging, with more force, others to talk to him.  If his bosses or co-workers show him his job is in jeopardy, then maybe that will push him.

It's amazing, isn't it, how some people in the medical field can fight this.  I know a man who works as a Respiratory Therapist in a hospital and has worked for a local provider of CPAP equipment ..... yet now that he's faced with symptoms himself, he refuses to believe it.  

The problem with having depression or brain fog because of the untreated sleep apnea is that the person can't act rationally, or at least some people.  I didn't realize just how bad my symptoms had gotten until my job was threatened.  Only then did I go to a doctor, wondering what is wrong with me.

You've got a tough and scary road.  I do not envy you.  Feel free to vent all you like.


Linda

Thanks Linda for your reply and support.  My husband has never had a sleep study. I have observed his sleep and counted to get an approximation of the number of sleep apnea episodes. I have recorded his snoring and apnea but this does not phase him. The doctors my husband works with ( he really doen'nt have friends as he does not socialize much) seem to know something is up with him but I do not believe they know it is sleep apnea. My husband is an Oncologist (Cancer Doctor). I believe he knows the risks of sleep apnea but I think he believes that this does not apply to him or that his problem is not severe enough for treatment. It is not unusual for doctors to think they are sort of "super humans".
My next course of action is to get others involved in talking to him, probably his extended family members. This is difficult for me as I'm a private person and have never been good at talking with others about problems. This is about the only course of action left.
Thanks again

I think that's wise, talking to others about it, even if it means going beyond your normal private ways.  Being private is admirable in many areas, but in this case, you need all the help you (and he) can get.

There are ways of testing preliminarily, but my preference is if he is nudged into a sleep study by someone he knows.  When I first went to the pulmonologist, he was convinced from my symptoms that I had sleep apnea (but then again, he ran a sleep lab).  But in the office he attached this little thing onto the end of my finger.  I understand it's a type of oxymeter, to show the level of blood oxygen.  I didn't understand the little red light, but he took one look at it and he said my blood oxygen levels are very low.  I think there are more sophisticated oxymeters that he could use overnight.  That will show if his blood oxygen levels are lowered, one indication of possible sleep apnea.  Not everyone with sleep apnea has super significantly low oxygen levels, but if it is lower than normal, that might help him to see something is going on, convincing him to get a sleep study.  The only problem with this is that if the result is marginally lower, he might feel he has ample justification not to get studied, and I worry about that.  But it is an option.  

Good luck to you.


Linda


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You might want to try a tape and/or vide recording of him sleeping.  This has been a real eye opener for some people.  Let him see what you see. If it was a audio tape only, you could not even tell him who it was until aftewr ehe gives an opinion. Or challenge him to do his own overnight oxymetry.  Perhaps he would even be willing to write himslef a script for an auto-pap
which adjust itself to the needed pressure.  Ask him to do a one month trial with autopap, and see what a difference it can make in not only his sleep, but yours, as the bedroom will be quiet enough for you both to sleep well.

Missy,

Any change with your husband?

Neil

I know this thread is starting to age so hope you do come back and let us know how it is going.

If I were in your shoes I would probably ask him how he would feel if his wife or children had something medically wrong that could eventually lead to death, and refused to treat it?   What example does he think he is setting for his children and his patients?  SA left untreated can burn brain cells resulting in loss of cognitive function...how is that going to benefit him in his practice...daily life?  He does not have to treat the SA for himself...but for those who rely on him to take care of them..including yourself and your children.

Get him to order his own sleep study and put himself on an APAP.

Just thoughts.


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