Hello!  My husband has severe sleep apnea diagnosed by a sleep study.  He stopped breathing an astronomical amount of times during the study.  He has a CPAP but only wears it occasionally.  He gets angry when I say anything about his non-compliance.  We do not sleep together as I cannot stand the snoring, choking, waking-up, jumping, etc.  We have tried sleeping together when he wears the mask and it's a disaster as well.  He still has apnea episodes with the mask as somewhere during the course of the night the mask slips and starts sounding like a swarm of angry bees.  My husband has a VERY bad habit of reading at night.  The trouble is that the minute he sits down to read he falls asleep and therefore doesn't put the mask on.  I have tried to encourage him to stop this, but it's futile.  

He is a very heavy mouth-breather but I think that lately he sounds like he is quite often short of breath.  He is always tired.  He says that driving isn't a problem, but we went on a weekend getaway and he fell asleep while driving and was heading for a ditch on the side of the road.  I hollered his name to wake him up and then he got mad at me!      He falls asleep at work, church, the movies, etc.  It's miserable for me to attend anything like this with him as he starts to snore loudly as soon as he falls asleep.  We have a small church and it's hard to hide the sound of his snoring from the rest of the congregation!  It's funny how people in the movie theater do not like the snoring during the film either.      The other night he went to use the bathroom before going to bed.  He had been without the CPAP for several days and is like a walking corpse.  I was laying in my bed and thinking what in the world is taking him so long.  After about 5 minutes I heard snoring coming out of the bathroom.  He was standing up trying to urinate.  I waited another couple of minutes and then I heard a VERY load crash.  I ran to the bathroom to find him picking himself out of the bathtub.  He had fallen asleep standing up and fell over backwards into the tub.  He re-injured a rotator cuff in his shoulder.  You would think this would be enough to convince him to wear the mask.  Not.  He has gone 2 nights now without it.

The straw that has broken the camels back for me is that his libido (which used to be quite high) has all but disappeared.   I'm a fairly "energetic" person in that area and to go for long periods of time in between "sessions" is not acceptable for me.  I can't imagine why this hasn't been a wake-up call (no pun intended) for him.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.  I feel like I'm married to a corpse.  He has no energy to do anything.  He falls asleep constantly.  I think he is a danger to himself and others around him.  He is a nurse by trade.  Frankly, I wouldn't want to be his patient.  He has told me that he has fallen asleep while standing up at work.  He misses a GREAT deal of time from work.  He's always calling in sick.  If he didn't work for the government he would have lost his job a long time ago.  He has many other health problems which I believe are either stemming from the sleep apnea or aggravated by it.

Are there any other solutions out there for a mouth breather with severe apnea besides the full face mask?  I feel like I have lost the person I married to this disease.  I fear being a widow long before my time because of it also.

Thanks so much for letting me rant.  I hope someone has some suggestions that might help.
Merry Christmas,
B.  <><

My husband was recently diagnosed with OSA.  He chose the Hybrid mask (http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/sleep-disorders/2006/08/apena-hybrid-review.htm).  It seems to work well for him.  He had used the full face mask in the titration study and would have been OK with that.  However, he feels this mask is less constrictive.

SleepApneaWife, that's a very good idea.

It's nice that there is alternative to the traditional full face mask that covers the nose and mouth.
Now there's the type you mention, which uses nasal pillows and covers the mouth and may be less claustrophobic for some people.  Plus, he may be able to read or watch TV while using it before he goes to sleep.  It's an option.

There are now two brands of that type.  There's the Hybrid and there's also the Resmed Liberty, both use the nasal pillows but have slight differences.  You can view them in our equipment/mask section using the link posted at the bottom of my message.  Not everyone can use nasal pillows, but if he can, this might be an option, or at least as an alternative mask while he gets more used to this.

Wow, BobbieD, how is he doing now?  And when has he last seen his doctor about this?  Does he know much about his condition?  Did he ever see or get a copy of the sleep study report?  Does he know how many times they determined he stops breathing per hour?  When was his study?  Sometimes if the severity is high, the knowledge of it can shock people into sticking to using cpap.  Does he know how serious this is?  Has anyone from the place that supplied his equipment followed up with him on how he's doing?  Do you know anyone in your family or among friends who has sleep apnea and uses cpap?  Sometimes the advice is easier taken from someone not so close to them.  


Linda


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Click here for link to FAQ and topics
Click here for link to section on machines and masks

Hi Bobbie,

My husband also has sleep apnea.  He refused to acknowledge that his snoring was a problem.  He told me it was MY problem. I slept in another bedroom for years! You could hear him through a brick wall.  The kids began to think it was normal for us to sleep separately.

Finally, I tape recorded his lack of breathing. He was actually shocked to hear it. He finally went to a sleep lab where they recorded 150 episodes of stopped breathing of more than 1 minute.  No wonder he fell asleep at the dinner table.  We're lucky he didn't wreck the car!

I strongly recommend that you get a tape recorder and show him.  Some people just won't believe it until they hear it for themselves.

He now wears a Respironics Profile Lite gel mask. It covers only the nose, and not the mouth.  He has not removed it during the night.  I don't know if that will work for you, but I do think you should tape record him to show him how it sounds.   He may need another trip back to the sleep lab, or just refitted by the sleep lab techs.

Dianne

Hi Bobbie

This is my first posting on this site, but after reading your posting I felt as though I wanted to cry.  My husband is in the same state and refuses to seek further treatment.  He has had an overnight study but apparently as he was unable to sleep due to the hook up they have requested another prior to giving him a CPAP machine.

Similar to your husband we are no longer having sex.  He sleeps sitting up and frequently falls asleep while using the restroom.  He also has a dangerous habit of falling off of the couch while sleeping.  He has begun to fall asleep while driving, but gets angry when I stare at him while driving to prevent an accident.  He nearly had an accident on Christmas while he was driving and was angered when I offered to drive.

We have a newborn (but his symptoms have been present for many years prior) and he tells everyone he is tired due to the baby but in all actuality he spends little to no time with the baby.  In fact he frequently begins to fall when he is holding the baby so I always feel as if I am on guard to prevent danger.

We never go out of the house (other than work) because he is always tired.  I attempted to convince him to go to church on Sunday and he said he just cant manage to stay awake.  My concern is if he is unable to stay awake for an hour 1/2 church service how is he managing to stay awake at work.

He is only 39 years old but I feel as though I am living with a corpse.  He is a very stubborn man so it is unlikely that I can get him to seek treatment, but I am open to any suggestions as I am beginning to think he is a danger to more than just himself.

Thanks.

Dawnk

Hi Bobbie,

I have severe obstructive sleep apnea. My partner and I slept in separate beds for years. I fell asleep regularly at the movies, watching tv, and in restaurants. I used to think that he was just being critical of me when he complained about my snoring. I refused to seek help because I believed it was his problem (being oversensitive).

Then one night he made a recording of my snoring. When he played it for me the next morning, I was in total shock. I never realized how loud my snoring was and how many times I stopped breathing. Seeing the situation from that perspective motivated me to address the issue.

Perhaps the situation is easier for me because I don't seem to struggle with the machine. However, I was also very determined to make CPAP work because I didn't want to make that horrible noise when I slept.

You may have already tried this, but I thought I'd tell you about it in case you hadn't. Good luck.

Leo


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Respironics REMStar Plus M*Series with Heated Humidity Pressure=9

I agree with Leo that tape recording again, or now may be of help.  His Libido will return when he has  productive sleep.  I've lived through this and it isn't funny.  It is a quiet desparation because no one quite understands the exhaustion unless they have experienced the lack of sleep that you both have.  And, you both are sleeping poorly if you can still hear him.

I hope you are able to break through to him by playing the recording for him, or for the doc.  He needs to be refitted or to return to the lab.  Some machines will emit a beeping sound/flashing light if the mask is removed.  His may be collecting moisture that causes the mask to buzz.  

It will get better if he can wear a mask ALL night.

Dianne

I am not as bad as your husband, but sounds like among other things he does not want to use the cpap gear- i hate it too- and it took a couple years to conclude that it was my only chance to try to get my mind some much needed rest. And I still hate it. However, I use it each night, only about 5 hours due to complications, but i am sure i get better rest going 5 hours on, another hour or 2 off, each night.

At 46 i dislike idea of rest of my life in that damn machine, but surgery for me is too little reward, too much pain, costs, risk since there are zero guarantees that i will be able to get rest w/o cpap after multiple surgeries i would likekly require

so, hopefully your husband will conclude that cpap is the friend in disguise of an enemy- unless he has better choices, PAP therapy needs to be given a shot....good luck.


_________________
Bill
'severe osa',
ResMed Spirit Autoset
nasal pillows
Mandibular adv.device( in-training: inconclusive results, still trying in conj. w/pap)
" I walk these streets, in a spectacle of wealth and poverty"- N.M

You need to make a game of this.  We call it, "Who is that masked man?"  The reference to Darth Vader is also accurate.  Kissing the elephant is another game. It isn't easy, but if you are playful you can make lemonade from the lemons that life gave us.

Dianne

test

My husband sounds like yours.  I was in a very similar position 10 years ago.  I started taking him and going to his Dr. apptionments and telling the dr what I saw.  I wasn't sure if our marriage would survive but I was going to do all I could to keep him alive.  Eventually he had the surgery to remove tonsils, adnoids and palate, PPD I think.  That improved things tremendously.  He still did minimal use of CPAP and has gradually gained weight.  I had a nrevous breakdown at the same time, once he had his surgery.

Prior to that, I started taking medication to sleep because I was becoming so dysfunctional during the day.  I told him and the Dr. if I couldn't do anything about keeping him from not dying from lack of breathing during the night, I at least needed to be able to sleep.  

Now we are looking again at options.  He just got bipap with very high pressures and we are working on trying to do the jaw surgery to improve his airway.  This time he is on board and we aren't fighting about it.  But the insurance company is fighting it considering it a dental proceedure.

Good luck, it's hard.  If he won't take care of himself, at least you can take care of you.

I too fought off going on the CPAP. I had every excuse in the book, finally I realized that I would probably soon be dead if I continued going the way I was going.

Three people I know are more than likely dead from sleep apnea. Everyone used to laugh at one of the guys who would fall asleep anywhere at any time. He did fall asleep driving and did die of his injuries.

I was falling alseep at work, driving over an hour was out of the question. Car rides as a passenger were nap time for me. Broadway plays, slow movies, in front of the TV, I'd be out after 30 minutes.

I had a few episodes of not being able to breathe which made me finally accept the fact I needed to do something. I would go days with irregular heartbeats after a bad snoring session. My cholesterol was bad, I had gained weight and felt like doing nothing. I would sleep for 15 hours if I could. I never had any libido problems though.

After almost 3 months on the CPAP, I'm doing better. I stay awake all day, but may cat nap after a tough day at work once in a while. I can drive 4 hours or more, go to the movies and generally everybody in the house sleeps better.

Eventually it will sink in that we need help! I hope that your husband gets the message, you may have to lay down an ultimatum if that works. Good luck.

LT

Hi There

My husband was diagnosed with obtrusive sleep apnea.  He was on sleeping tabs (Dormicum) for more than 4 years now becuase he coldn't sleep without it.  And yet he still woke up groggy and constantly tired. I finally convinved him that he needs to stop the Dormicum (that the doctor was just happily prescribing) and he saw a different doctor who prescrobed Stilnox.  He had a heart attack quite a few years ago (he was 28 and is now 34) and had an ICD implant begning of this year.  

The whole story came about when I recorded him one night on Dormicum as the Dormicum takes him into a state that he can't remember what he does.  He thinks he fell asleep immediately and in the mean time he is still awake tickling me or play fighting with me or doing something ridiculous late into the night. He wakes up the next morning and can't rememebr a thing.

I was completely against the Dormicum but when the Stilnox was not even helping I was convinced there was a bigger problem.  

I am not sure what the connection is with Dormicum and the sleep apnea but I am sure the Dormicum probably aggrivated the circumstances? Does anyone know?

The point is, sometimes Men don't want to believe how serious there conditions are without proof so it helps to actually record what happens to them... the snoring etc.  

It takes a lot of pateince and support from the wife... and the men rely heavily on their wives.  So I encourage you to live life to the fullest and enjoy each day with your husband!!! So I am really greatful for this website....

I don't normally look at this forum since I have the sleep apnea, but as I took a look in and came across this post and read thru it . A question beckons to be answered whatever happened to BobbieD the originator of this Post? It is a tragedy what she has gone thru!.  Is she even still alive or has she died in a car crash with her husband asleep at the wheel? How can people be so selfish? It is one thing if you don't care about your self, but what about the your loved ones and the others around you? If you know you have a problem, for God sakes do something about it and get it taken care of. This original Post angers me, and sickens me, how can someone be so callous to treat their loved ones in such a way!


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White Beard with a White Beard
Resmed VPAP Adapt SV Enhanced, HumidAire 2i, ResLink with Model 8000 Flex sensor Pulse Oximeter, and ResScan 3.5 software. Respironic EverFlo OPI Oxygen Concentrator 3 lpm
EEP 9.0, min PS 6.0, max PS 16.0

White Beard,

Yes, it is sick when a spouse refuses to recognize the problem, but most sleepless people think that the worst case scenario won't happen to them.  After all, they've been lucky so far.  Lack of sleep causes denial.  

The question is how to move someone from point A to point B, where they get help.  

An intervention can take many forms.  On occasion, I have provided the doc's office with information in advance of husband's appointment so the problems are discussed and not forgotten by my spouse.  

I had a friend who would make two appointments with the doc; one for herself and one for her husband.  She was seen first, and gave the doc the list of things the doc needed to address with her spouse.

BobbieD is having a bad time, so how do we help her to cause an intervention?