Wanna hear a sleep joke? ......

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Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra strong, sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to the boss. "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."

"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday & Tuesday?"

By Terri

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"Do you love me more than you love sleep?"
"I can't answer now. It's time for my nap!"

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Matching wits...

A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep.
The Programmer persists and explains that it's an easy game: "I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.
Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "O.K., if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50!" That gets the Engineer's attention, and he agrees.
The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Without saying a word, the Engineer hands the Programmer $5, and then asks, "What goes up a hill on three legs and comes down on four?"
The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour, wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50, turns away, and tries to get back to sleep.
The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to your question?" Without a word, the Engineer hands $5 to the Programmer, and goes back to sleep.

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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

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I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."
-- Steven Wright

Know any more?

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A woman is escorted into the courtroom on charges of murdering her husband.
Prosecution: How was your husband-killed ma'am'?
Woman: He was suffocated with a pillow.
Prosecution: Were you the person who suffocated your husband with the pillow?
Woman: Yes, yes I did.
Prosecution: But why ma'am, why would you kill your own husband?
Woman: The snoring was horrible, you try sleeping next to him.

Nora

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This really happened to me,  last summer our family and another family went
camping well I told everybody that they better get to sleep before I did because I snore really bad.  Well after putting up with all the snoring jokes all weekend everybody survived.  But just a couple weeks later we were invited over to the other families house for a Party and the subject of the conversation some how got on the topic of snoring, well before the other Lady (NOT MY WIFE) thought about what she was saying she Blurted out "You haven't Slept until You've Slept with Dan" So I finally got the chance to redeem my self and tell her "That's What All The Women Say".

DAN PETER

Three college football coaches were flying across the country when their airplane crashed and all three died. They all noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God motioned for one of them to come into the clouds.

God wanted to know three things: "Who are you? What did you do? What did people think of you?"

The first coach said, "I'm Joe Paterno. I coached Penn State from 1966 to 2000. I won 300 games, 19 bowl victories, 2 national championships, and won Coach of the Year 4 times. The people of Pennsylvania think I'm great."

God said, "Fine, Joe, stand at my right side."

The next person said, "I'm Bobby Bowden. I coached Florida State University from 1980 to 2000. I had a .816 win percentage, played in 14 bowl games without a loss and won a national championship after beating Nebraska. The people of Florida think I'm great."

God said, "Fine, Bobby, stand at my left side."

The third coach stood before God and said, "I'm Bob Stoops. I took over a storied Oklahoma program that had won 6 national championships and held many NCAA records but had fallen to the lowest of the low. In the 3 years prior to me taking over the Sooners they went 3-8 (worst season in 102 years of football), 4-8, and 5-6, beating Texas only once and not beating Colorado or Nebraska, not to mention losing to OSU. I coached the Sooners for a season and a half, going 7-5 in my first year beating a top-15 Texas A&M with my unranked team and taking the Sooners to a bowl game. 7 games into my second season we were undefeated and I took the Sooners to #1 in the AP poll, Coaches poll, and BCS poll. We beat #10 Texas 63-14, #2 Kansas State in Manhattan 41-31, and #1 Nebraska 31-14. Our quarterback was the frontrunner for the Heisman trophy, we were in the driver's seat for the national championship, and the people of Oklahoma think you are sitting in my chair."

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not like the 5 other screaming passengers in his car.


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