I am getting close to the end of my first month on CPAP and am wondering if using it can cause depression.  I seem to be a bit overwhelmed by the daunting task of daily care and maintenance, rinsing, soaking, washing, draining and wearing of all of this gear.  I tease myself at night by lying there for a few minutes without my mask on and I remember how comfy it was not having that hot, smelly (soap), face smashing quattro ff mask squshing my head like Mr Whipple squeezes the charmin.  I really miss it and I seriously am now starting to understand why so many people quit using their machines.  I started out with a miricle in my pocket at how easy I can fall asleep with the machine on.  I still can but I am feeling a bit of depression about it and am not sure if it is physically caused by the machine or if it is my brain wrapping around the fact that the next 50 or 60 years will be spent with this thing smashing the bridge of my nose and waking up with a ring around my face like butt cheeks on a toilet seat.  I try to keep a good attitude about it.  That of course would certainly be easier if there were some kind of end to it besides death.  I watched my mother pass away March 22nd from respiratory failure after 2 weeks on bipap and can't help but think that CPAP is pushing me down the same path.  I am getting fatter by the minute and actually stopped running yesterday after only 2 and a half miles (instead of 6) because I hurt all over.  I quit smoking after 26 years at the beginning of January and haven't touched a cigarette since however, I literally feel worse now than I did when I smoked.  Yes I have less sleepiness and I can sneeze without triggering a spasm but holy cow.  At what cost?  I sleep attached to a machine, I have gained another 30 lbs.  I have no real appetite....  Just get fatter by the minute.  I am considering starvation to reverse this metabolism and kick start the weightlloss.  I can't stand it.  I will still use my CPAP as I know I need to and I will take all the meds I have recently been prescribed along with the CPAP.  Nexium and Regulan to repair Acid reflux damage from the Apnea and my bp meds for the high blood pressure I used to have when I smoked.  But this is hardly any way to live.  Am I feeling this because of the machine?  or because of the diagnosis?  I guess that remains the one question I cannot answer...

Ahhh, yep the question cannot be answered.  I must say I did LOL with the description of the mask making a ring like butts cheeks on a toilet seat...sorry to chuckle.

Ya know, you have had a lot hit you this year and congrats on the quitting smoking part of it...tough thing to do.  Give it time....I am now pushing 5 years into this and still find myself with the same thoughts about living the rest of my life on it.  Force yourself to exercise...it will keep you going.  You do not have to run always...walking does just as good.

To make life easier...not everyone washes their stuff everyday...I surely do not.  Try a different soap for the mask...if you can get by with a heavy cleaning once a week and rinsing it off daily...that may be easier and less smelly.

How is your B12?  Taking them first through injection then sublingually has helped me a lot.  AND Walgreens' is having a buy 1 get one free sale on the Nature's way or Own stuff right now...you will want the B12 Sublingual ones...you put them under your tongue to disolve some prior to swallowing...I just let it disolve fully under my tongue.

I said previously that I was going to try and type out an article from Bottom Line Health Periodicals...it is a non advertising paper I get once a month...had a good thing on B12....I will try tonight if DH is studying.


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CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO~ http://tinyurl.com/69q52a

BiPAP Auto M 13/8 Mirage Nasal Swift. 20 years+ undx'd. RLS/PLMD, Hypersomnia & more.

Accx4, I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with so much at once.

My guess is your depression has less to do with the CPAP than some other factors... death of a parent is a huge blow.  Have you talked to your dr or a counselor about your depression and weight gain?  You might want to do so, they might have some suggestions for you.  Don't give up the CPAP as your first alternative.

A few ideas that may help:  As regards the smelly soap, find a dish soap with a scent you like (make sure it isn't antibacterial).  I searched around and found one with a green apple scent, as I like it.  You may enjoy a citrus, lavender or some other scent.  If it seems too hot, turn your humidifier down a notch; I had mine on 3 for winter, but now that's it's over 100 out, I set it at 1.5 max, sometimes no heat at all.  What an improvement.

I also don't see why you need to wash the humidifier every day, since it's just distilled water.  Maybe just wash the mask/seal daily, so you keep getting a good seal.  I sympathize:  some days the little routines like flossing, checking my blood sugar, messing with the CPAP... when your butt is dragging it just seems like too much.  

I understand it seems like cause and effect with starting CPAP, but grief, stopping smoking etc can really mess with your head.  I'd try looking at some other factors as well.

Good luck.  I hope you start feeling better soon.


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Give peace a chance

I have only had the machine for 2 nights and I am full of self pity.  I feel so low about this.  I am mad that I have let this get me down so quickly.  I have dealt with much worse than this, but this takes away all my hard work at maintaining my self esteem and confidence as I get older.  I am so embarrassed and humiliated that #1 I snore like a chainsaw, and #2 that I have to be hooked up to a machine to sleep, #3 that I will eventually have to let my husband see me with the hose sucked up on my face!   I know there a SO many worse problems to have, but right now I don't think I have ever felt lower and so hopeless about the rest of my life.   This has consumed me and I feel more distracted and tired and depressed than I did.  I am wondering about surgery or the dental appliance.  I have TMJ disorder so don't think the appliance will work for me.  Right now I have promised myself that I will visit every Dr. and every option available.  I don't think I have it in me to deal with the CPAP,  I don't think I can live this way.

drdebi...the snoring will go away with the xPAP.  Your husband won't really see you...it is dark in the bedroom.  Please check out the threads on the surgeries...they are only 50% effective and that is for mild apnea...and that when it is effective it is often for only a short time and can cause irreversable damage.  I understand your grief though...it will go away...keep us posted on how you are doing.

If you have any questions we most likely can help you find solutions...


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CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO~ http://tinyurl.com/69q52a

BiPAP Auto M 13/8 Mirage Nasal Swift. 20 years+ undx'd. RLS/PLMD, Hypersomnia & more.

I've only been on 8 days now and can understand already the frustration.
but then again I went in to watch TV the other afternoon on my bed and accidently fell asleep.
Won't do that without the cpap again I'll tell you.. major migraine.

I'm now going on 22 years of symptoms having only been diagnosed last summer and having just gotten my cpap.
So you really don't notice how bad you've been hurting until after you have been on cpap and then stop.

Kind of like getting used to a toothache, or a back problem, your body eventually adapts to the pain. you have it long enough you forget it. Then when you aggravate it, it's 10X worse feeling.

Can't sleep without my CPAP.

I, too, understand your frustrations.  I have many of my own.  In fact, my wife and I no longer sleep in the same room...  although we are still happily married.

I, too, gained a lot of weight - even though most everyone reports we should be losing weight.

But good things have happened also.  My blood pressure has gone down.  I sleep like a baby.  Wake up refreshed.  Have confidence that I am preventing heart disease/failure.  Recently went back to the gym.  Those things alone make the damn mask/machine worth it.

Don't give up the ship!

Hi ACC,

I'm a quit smoker too, and have put on weight after I quit. Some quitters do, and some quitters don't. I think we replace one habit with another. For me I rinse my humidifier tank out every night, and only really clean mask, hose, and nose gear once a week.  I don't have the time to do it exactly like it's prescibed every night.For the most part I l really like my cpap because I am sleeping much better. Still open my mouth in certain positions, but I just got a chin strap I'm trying tonight. As far as the depression, I think I would look into that. Might want to ask your family doc about that. I took me about a year off smoking to feel 100% like myself again. I think after so many years of smoking you have to experience every season as a non smoker. Anyway, even if you have to get on a mild anti depresant for a bit, that could help. I took wellbutrin for awhile, and that really seemed to help me. Good luck....

I quit smoking 18 months ago, the second best thing I have ever done. The best thing I have done is my Bipap machine. I smoked for 25 years. I still get craving to smoke but I try thinking about something else.


You have taken on many problems in a short time frame, I would bet you are stressed out over everything. My best suggestion is to go see a therapist who can help you overcome your depression. Depression isn't fun and can lead to worse things than just feeling blah.  I suffer with depression and I take Lexapro for it, not because of the OSA but because of my Bi-polar condition. The good news is the longer I am on by Bipap the less depressed I feel. So much in fact that I cut down on my lexapro from a pill and a half to just  a half. If it wasn't for the withdrawl I would be off it completely.

Usually the Xpap helps with depression. Some people see relief right away and some take a little time. Don't give up on the Xpap it works.


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Respironics M Series BiPAP Plus with BiFlex, Heated Humidifier
Resmed Ultra Mirage II Nasal Mask with Headgear
Pressure @ 6/11

Like Dr Debi and Accx, I went into self-pity and depression from the diagnosis and starting CPAP. I was very hurt when at my first check up with the sleep doc he said "I am much less worried about your very moderate sleep apnea and much more concerned about your attitude, your level of worry about it etc." He was right, but that didn't help me. I got used to it, but felt very cheated when I did not have the wonderful improvements that most CPAP users report. My doctor says that is because I was not that sick without CPAP.
Now, about 20 months later, I am very used to CPAP and have no bitterness about it, still mad at myself for other reasons. My mood is probably better when I sleep more..... but I think most of it depends on other aspects of my life and CPAP is neither a source of depression nor a relief from it.


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Arthur
Sleeping with a curvaceous blonde autoPAP (Resmed autoset). Hope springs eternal.....

I know dealing with a lot of challenges at once can result in feeling of being totally overwhelmed, but I will say that my experience with CPAP is that it has removed one huge challenge and made the other things easier. I used to believe I could deal with about 75 percent of my stressors - if I worked hard on one, another got worse, kind of like pushing on a water-filled balloon!

But since I started CPAP therapy, my depression has improved dramatically, and I've lost almost 35 pounds since January by tracking my food intake and exercise and eating slowly and thoughtfully. I revel in my new "clear-headedness" and am beginning to revel in being stronger and thinner. I'm grateful the therapy exists that can make me feel better and keep my brain and body healthy and functioning.

I believe it being "in charge" of myself and how I feel - I loathe what I think of as a "victim" mindset.  I tell myself there are a lot of things worse than wearing a positive pressure mask when I sleep, believe me!  I've just decided that's how it is and the perception of sleeping with a mask on for the rest of my life is not important enough to obsess over... it helps me and I don't think about it beyond that.

I focus on my breathing before I fall asleep, and try to make it smooth and I breathe out against the pressure as strongly as I can - I guess it makes me feel more in charge, and it certainly helps me fall asleep.

I read as much as I can on the topic, and some things they're discovering about brain function with prolonged O2 deprivation are startling and scary.  Not use my mask? No way! Knowing that instead of little to no fresh O2 getting to my brain for an avg of one hour ea night, with therapy I'm getting O2 to my brain all but a minute or two... that's huge for me.

This sounds like a lecture, but it's not, it's just my experience so far... take heart and take charge. Allow yourself to heal at your own pace, you'll do it! Never give up!  


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We can't change the wind, but we can adjust the sails!

Dear Accx4,

I am sorry for your depression.  I suffer from depression also and have to be on meds.  I quit smoking over 23 years ago and felt horrible for a long time!  I kept coughing !@#! up out of my lungs especially after jogging.  And another aspect of the withdrawl is that I fellt like I lost my best friend.  For me it is a grieving process and we have to go throug the stages of grief; one being depression.  Therefore it is natural.  Pleaase see a good  therapist to help you thorough as shortbus suggested so you. I was in therapy during the time I quit smoking and it helped. One more thng is I do not like this mask and I sometimes curse it at night and get very angry but I know it is good for me so I try my best to wear it.  Good luck!

I am on Day 270 of my BiPAP machine. Putting it on every night is no fun and I don't like it. Some nights the heck with it and don't where it. But, then I pay for it the next day. It totally wipes me out without it. So, I just remember that when it is bed time.

I have been treated for depression. It may have just been sleep deprived. I was grouchy and short tempered. Using the machine has really helped my family and my outlook.

Good luck and keep trying.

Scopro

Accx, you sound like I feel about my BPAP. I don't fall asleep on it without a sleeping pill (actually two at different times) but I understand how you feel about the cleaning, the tightness and discomfort of the mask. I quit the cigarettes, cold turkey after 42 years. My mother doesn't have apnea but I'm losing her to altzheimer's, I don't tell her that I have apnea, she's living in a different state and doesn't know.

I gain a few pounds, I lose a few. I eat a lot of protein, I stay away from fats or sugar. Nothing helps yet.

I just began doing the BPAP. I had a positive attitude, I think positive but the treatment isn't working right now.

I was depressed for a few months, maybe six months before I was diagnosed with apnea. I never used to become depressed and I had thought that my depression stemmed from other things but I now realize that my constant interrupted sleep and lack of oxygen (before I was diagnosed and since) were what caused depression.

Odd how some of these threads follow my life so closely,  I've just started with counseling for depression,  and I've obviously had it I now realize since beginning with my CPAP.  I share a lot of the same feelings also, knowing I'm going to be stuck with this for possibly the rest of my life,  and I also miss sleeping comfortably without it because I really used to love to snuggle tight with my pillow.  Geez that doesn't sound like a man thing to say,  but anyway I love my feather pillow!  I think I had OSA a lot of years before being diagnosed,  and I mean 10 or more years prior at least,  but now I can't sleep without my CPAP,  if I doze off without it I awaken with an anxiety attack .. I feel I can't breathe.  

Life changes guys,  we can't beat that no matter how badly we want to.  I don't have guests over because I don't EVER want them to see me with my CPAP stuff on, period!  My roommate is hearing impaired so the noise of the CPAP doesn't bother her,  we've been roommates for 14 years now,  it'll have to stay that way too,  with Social Security laws as they are if we were to marry they'd end up taking nearly half of one of our checks!  In fact they've already tried once but we fought them off.  She's a cancer survivor having been through a bone marrow transplant and high dose chemo (10x normal strength),  if we were to marry they'd cut her medication coverage because they'd consider our joint income too high.  We've seen too many people divorce because of this happening and we don't want to join the list,  therefore we are just roommates living together as friends!  Sometimes though I get really frustrated and say,  "they should take In God We Trust off of our money because if we do what God says is right they punish us!"  Oh well,  that's off subject anyway.. sorry.

As for depression,  if it gets to bad seek counseling,  it truly can help,  I know because it's helped me already.


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SnowCajun
I'm old, there's no cure!