My Bedroom Has Been Invaded!!!

My husband snored for years with many a jab in the ribs from me.
Finally, his pulmonologist, convinced him to do a sleep study. And just as I had expected he has severe apnea.

Well...fine.
Just fine and dandy.
In our over 30 years of marriage I have seen him though surgeries and heart disease and lung cancer and on and on.
I have been supportive all the way.
But this...I feel invaded.

I have always been a very light sleeper. And the damn whosh whosh whosh noise keeps me awake. I'm the one sleep deprived now.
I hate that thing. I hate the very thought of that thing. I hate seeing that thing on his face. The whole thing just totally disgusts me.
And no...there is no option for a second bedroom. Even if it were I want to sleep with my husband.
I'm sick of winding up on the sofa and trying to go back to sleep in the middle of the night or early morning hours because that monster
on his nightstand is making noise.

I am very angry over this whole thing.
I'm not saying much about it to my husband because I know he'll just get an attitude and say he'll stop using it. But I have this
anger that grows daily. I just want to pick that damn thing up and smash it.

Has anyone else had issues like this?

Welcome.

I was in the your place about 20 years ago;  husband had severe apnea, and was slowly suffocating/dying in his sleep at night, but I don't think the machines should be loud.  We've been through about 4 cpaps in 20 years and they've all gotten quieter over the years.  

What make and model cpap does he have? How long has he had the cpap? What mask is he using?

Is the machine lower than the bed height so any whooshing noise is lower than your ears?

Sorry that YOU'RE having bad nights. It should get better for you now that he is in treatment.

Dianne


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Dianne's: Remstar Auto M, C-flex, humidifier, smart card. Mask: Swift LT, AHI- 23, lowest blood ox 80%.

John's: Same cpap, Mask: Respironics Profile-lite mask.
severe apnea, Cpap user for more than 20 years.

Thanks for answering my post.

He has a REMstarPlus M Series
The nurse said it is set at 13. And he keeps the humidifier on 3.
He started out using a canula mask but it didn't work. The dang thing kept falling out of his nose no matter what size he tried.
I had to keep waking him up to put it back in his nose.
He's now using a mask that covers his nose. Looks like some kinda blue gel thing.

It's not so much the humming noise of the machine but the whoshing noise every time he breaths. It reminds me of the noise
when someone's on a ventalator or something.

Look, I know that many of you will think I'm a selfish b!#$%. I saw how many views there were of my post with no one posting until you did.
I really appreciate the fact that you did. But, people need to realize what the spouses or sleep partners go though with these things.
We've been married for over 30 years and I'm so physically exhausted because of that thing I can't think straight. I'm irritable, angry and
on the verge of tears every morning. I'm just so tired.

The blue gel could be a Respironics gel like my husband uses.  It makes a slight sound on exhalation so I don't notice it over my own cpap.  If you are a light sleeper I can see that any noise would keep you awake.

Is he leaking air out of his mouth?  Is it leaking air from the side of the mask?  That would be a continuous sound.

If he rolls away from you, is it still too loud?

I'm not denying that your husband's cpap is annoying, but just trying to find a solution. Until you can solve the problem you may want to camp out in the living room, or make a roll-a-way bed available somewhere else in your house or apartment.  I lost sleep for years and moved into another bedroom before he got HIS cpap.  You can see from my byline below that BOTH of us are now on cpap.  He diagnosed me about a year ago. (married 38 years)

Maybe one of the moderators will have an answer to the loud exhalation problem.



Last edited by Dianne on Sun Oct 11, 2009 3:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
_________________
Dianne's: Remstar Auto M, C-flex, humidifier, smart card. Mask: Swift LT, AHI- 23, lowest blood ox 80%.

John's: Same cpap, Mask: Respironics Profile-lite mask.
severe apnea, Cpap user for more than 20 years.

Hi Buckeye

    I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your husband. It seems that you two have already been through a lot together; I'm sure you didn't need another problem.  

    Since I'm just starting on this journey myself, I'm afraid that I don't have much in the way of practical solutions for you.  In my case, it's my husband who is going to have to get used to the sound of my xpap. Fortunately, he's a very sound sleeper, so it probably won't bother him at all.

     I can well understand how the noise is bothering you. It sounds like a ventilator to you, perhaps reminding you of hospitals, illness, etc.  I have a phobia about hospitals myself, so I'm probably going to have some of those same thoughts.  During my titrations, I tried to remind myself that the sound was the machine doing its job to keep me breathing. It helped, at least a little. Perhaps you could purchase a "white noise" machine  to mask the sound of the cpap?  

     Sleep apnea is tough on patients, but also tough on those around them. You're not alone in your feelings of anger, I'm sure. Are there any support groups for apnea patients and their families in your area?  It would help to talk to others who are in the same boat. If not, then keep posting here.  It's a good place to vent!

Best of luck
jrinker

I have a white noise generator I'll send you gratis if it will help you keep him on the CPAP.    It's just sitting unused now in our bedroom.  My wife doesn't even notice my CPAP anymore...but she notices if I forget and start to snore real fast.

PM me.


_________________
RemStar Pro M-Series with C-Flex jamming 10 cm H20 down my piehole And finally getting a good night's sleep...every night!!!! I'm a 46 year old FMAWG...and proud of it.

I hope everyone understands that I have never asked or even suggested that hubby not use the machine.
I really have kept my feelings to myself on this. I don't suggest my being tired is because of his machine.
That's actually the main reason I went looking for a support system on line. There aren't any local support groups
here.

The doctor and the nurse, who fit my husband with the machine, and others assured me that the noise would be
nothing compared to the noise of his snoring. They were, of course, wrong. I really have to find a solution to
this and I appreciat the suggestions. I'm glad this place is here.

BGSMSHR...I appreciate your generosity. I'm usually not one to accept anything from others. I'm usually the one
who steps up to help whenever possible. I will send you a PM to discuss how a white noise machine might help.
Thanks.

So it's not only the noise from the cpap, it's the thought of him needing it, right?  You think of him as someone who  needs a ventilator.   You've supported him through a LOT of surgeries, but this is one thing that is a constant. You've got to somehow change your thinking of it as something disabled need to  AIR therapy.  It's not easy thinking that someone will need a cpap the rest of their lives,  but in reality, only the lucky get cpaps.  There are thousands of undiagnosed people who NEED one and don't have it.  

There are a lot of health issues that apnea causes including high blood pressure and heart issues.  He may have needed a cpap years ago.

I kinda' remember going though some similar thoughts 20 years ago when John first got his cpap.  I thought of him as disabled or something...at least for a short while. I didn't have anybody to talk to back then, and didn't tell people. It's more common now but a lot of people don't know much about cpaps.  Someday they'll probably be as common as eye glasses.

Noise:  Earplugs might be something to try, if you don't use the white noise machine.

I'm really sorry that it's been as difficult for you as it has been for him.  Hoping it gets better.


_________________
Dianne's: Remstar Auto M, C-flex, humidifier, smart card. Mask: Swift LT, AHI- 23, lowest blood ox 80%.

John's: Same cpap, Mask: Respironics Profile-lite mask.
severe apnea, Cpap user for more than 20 years.

White noise generator in the mail to you today.  No charge..  
 
Good luck.


_________________
RemStar Pro M-Series with C-Flex jamming 10 cm H20 down my piehole And finally getting a good night's sleep...every night!!!! I'm a 46 year old FMAWG...and proud of it.

We got a small white noise machine YEARS ago because my hubby worked nights and with little ones about it was helpful.  We drug it back out when we first got our machines and it is great.  Now we use an air purifier because it does double duty.  Now we can't sleep without the white noise.


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~ElleMarie~ One day at a time......are you kidding me?.....sometimes it's just one minute at a time.

Jun 2007 AHI 100.7 started cpap at 9** Oct 2007-11** April 2009 Bipap-15/10
Respironics auto M w/ Optilife nasal pillows

Hi Buckeye,

I have been thinking about you since I read your post on Saturday.  I was awaiting my user ID approval, and really wanted to have my first post to respond to you.  

I am SURE no one thinks you are a selfish ANYTHING!  You have been through so very much and I commend you for supporting your husband for so many years.  There is a point where exhaustion sets in from being a caretaker.  You deserve to take care of YOU, too!  While I will have NO help in the noise problems (I have just started my own journey), I would suggest that you seek some help for YOU.  I am very worried about the effects of my condition upon my husband and daughter.  I have even begun to ween her out of our family bed before the machine arrives, which breaks my heart!  

I do wish there was a support group in your area, but, from what I have read, this looks like a great community.  I have seen everything from venting to celebrating of everyone on this forum.  So please keep expressing yourself!  It may at least let you know you are not alone in your struggles.

Secondly, perhaps you should see your doctor about a short-term sleep aid.  If others can help with diagnosing the machine noise problem, perhaps you can get some help going to sleep for a while until you either solve the problem or get used to it enough to be at peace with it at night.    

Thank you for your courage along this great journey to your husband's health...you are amazing to come this far!

Peace,
Lorie

Are you positive that you, yourself, do not have sleep apnea?

Thought id throw it out there.

Thanks to everyone for all their comments, suggestions and support.
BGSMSHR thank you so much for sending the white noise machine. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to trying it.

I want you all to know that I can't post often. When hubby is up and about I don't post. I don't want him to know of my concerns
because the last thing I want him to do is stop using the machine. In fact, on several occassions, I've had to "suggest" that he
but the thing back on. He has a habit of turning it off in the early morning hours and especially, for some reason, when I get up
in the morning. I think it's because he can rollover and stretch out once I'm up.

Anyway, it's not that I have issues with his being disabled. He is already disabled because of his other health issues. And, yes, there are
days that I'm angry over that and feel cheated. I think it's natural for anyone to be. I have health issues myself of a different nature. I
do not have sleep apnea although I do have COPD. The other day, at the sleep doctor's office, the doctor seemed to try and make light of the
questions I tried to ask by asking me if I wanted a sleep study. He said maybe I need a machine too. He was making light of my concerns and
I felt he it is way of shutting me up. I have always been a light sleeper. Heck, if one of the cats has a hair ball on the other side of the house
it will wake me up.

I'm sure my husband has had apnea for many years. He has always snored, been a very late sleeper and was always tired. I would imagine,
although his heart condition is heritary, the apnea contributed to it. I suggested years ago that he get it all checked out but, of course,
I was rebuffed with the old "I'm not going to the doctor" or "I don't need a friggin doctor" or " We can't afford it" or....well you get the idea.
It was only after the removal of most of his left lung, do to cancer, and his pulmonologist suggesting he do the study, that he finally conceeded
to get it done.

I guess I should have titled this topic "OUR" bedroom has been invaded. But hubby evidently doesn't think of it that way. To him it's just another
something he has to deal with in a long line of somethings. To me it's more like the straw that broke the camels back and I'm directing
my anger at an inanimate object and the conquesnce of that object being my sleep depravation.

Wish I could hang around and read some more posts here but the grandkids will be here shortly. "We" take care of our 3 year old and 6 week old Grandsons weekdays. Grandma and Grandma Daycare. LOL  

Thanks again.
Talk to you all soon.

Lorie,

Why do you feel the need to wean your daughter out of your family bed?  Remember this is a support forum for people who are having problems.  The people who don't do not have a need to post or visit this forum and they are the majority.  So don't make assumptions before you find out if they will be correct.

My daughter slept/sleeps with me (on occasion, she is now 16).  I don't know how old yours is, but mine was 4 when I got my PAP.  I am sure a 1 year old would respond to a positive attitude and a child younger probably wouldn't care.  Before I got my PAP I told my daughter that I had trouble breathing when I slept and I awoke to her little hand by my mouth making sure I was still breathing.

We looked at pictures of PAPs and masks and talked about how they work.  When I got it, we both put it together and we both played around with the mask to listen to how funny we sound with it on.  The next morning the first thing she proudly said to me "Mommy, I'm used to it already".

Education and a positive attitude are everything.  Don't assume the worst.  And if you snore, maybe your spouse will actually sleep better.  My boyfriend won't sleep with me unless I have my "breathing thing".

Vicki


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Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Marilyn Von Savant

That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

Vicki,

You have the perfect example of why this is such a great forum!  I know we will all be better for the support here!  I have started a thread about my experience, so that I don't take up Buckeye's post.  But family beds are certainly a worthy topic!!

Thanks again!
Lorie