This message is a special one for those wives/husbands/significant others to those of us with Sleep Apnea - You are Special!

You see - When I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea - I was just 28 years old - and I am female! It was my husband who told me that I needed to see a doctor about my restless sleep and lack of sleep - something was wrong, he said.

We went to the doctor and they sent me to a respiratory therapist who asked a bunch of questions - which I diligently answered - He left the room and came back with this news - this condition he wanted me tested for - one I knew nothing about. With my hubby holding my hand - we listened to everything he said - very closely.

He asked about my family - My father, whom died at the age of 46 (when I was only 17) - died of cardiac arrest in his sleep and he was a snorer - as soon as the doctor heard this - he swiftly walked out of the room - came back and instead of doing these tests for me (sleep apnea home test) in 3 weeks - He had it scheduled for the very next day!

Well to make my long story just a tad bit short - I was tested and - I was called by the nurse whom called me at 8am in the morning - to discuss my test. She said that I had a severe case of Sleep Apnea and that I stopped breathing several times an hour each and every hour - she said that when I thought I was sleeping 7 hours - it was merely just a nap and not deep sleep and that I needed to come back in and they did not want me to drive.

I was fitted with a mask - given a machine and they walked me through all the instructions on how to use the cpap - and have been using my cpap machine since then - now this has been 10 years gone by since I was first diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. I've been using my machine every night since.

The reason for my post is because when you are young (in your 20's) and female and a newlywed - It is very hard to digest using this machine and this silly mask at night but it is because of my hubby that I made it through the shock of my diagnosis. How do you feel attractive or even sexy or romantic in one of these masks? - Well - I thank the stars above for my hubby because he does not make me feel anything but normal - He supports me and it is because of him that I was diagnosed and treated for Sleep Apnea and get a good nights sleep each and every night. He has never made fun of me or made a joke of it - he takes it all in stride and is just happy that I am able to get some good sleep. But I often think of him and what he has to put up with - this air blowing on him all night - not being able to snuggle quite exactly as we once did - this hose and mask to bump into during the night and his wife wearing this silly thing over her face all night long. But you know - he makes it feel all very normal. When my mask blows air on him - he turns or fixes the covers. I love and appreciate him more than I could ever express in words.

As hard as it is being a young woman (or anyone) with Sleep Apnea - I have to stop and give much appreciation to our partners who can care less what it looks like - and care more that we are getting treated. You give us love and support and without that - who knows what may become - perhaps we might never have been diagnosed or perhaps we might be too ashamed to wear that silly mask. We often talk about the patient - the adjustments - but our partners are our unsung heros who help us through this.  So I just wanted to make a special post to all of the partners of Sleep Apnea patients - You are VERY SPECIAL.

I'd have to agree whole-heartedly!  My wife, also the first to tell me, has been by my side the entire time I fought with the condition, the insurance company, work situation... the list goes on. We just celebrated our 18th anniversary this past Sunday, and she has never made fun of me, or my condition. I think this makes a HUGE difference for some, in regards to their compliance to treatment.

So I join you in saluting our spouses for helping us out, supporting us, and dealing with this condition right there along with us.


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painless

Sleep Apnea is a Killer! Get it Tested!
Get it Treated! Use the Treatment!

My wife hates my wearing the nasal pillows and the idea that once I have put them on I stop talking. But she claims that my mood is better since I got treatment and even says she is impressed by the way I took care of the whole business and didn't fight the need for treatment and she is never normally impressed by anything.
I think it is not that intrusoive since we can still snuggle after I have started it and I can just slip it off easily enough. But I cannot handle her resentment, her telling the kids how much ti has uined her life etc., and I feel extremely unsupported by he, and don't think there is any support from anyone, leas of all the sleep lab, sleep doc etc. It is a very lonely expeience, and probably a little easier for those who feel noticeably bette with CPAP than they felt before.


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Arthur
Sleeping with a curvaceous blonde autoPAP (Resmed autoset). Hope springs eternal.....

I was so touched by your post, i'm sitting here with tears in my eyes.

My case is very similar to yours, but my husband is the one with apnea.  He was also diagnosed with a very severe casewhen he was 28.  I'm a nurse and when we were dating and I would spend the night I knew something wasn't wright.  we are now newly weds and we have been stuggeling to find our answers, and we are loor forward to finding some answers soon from Columbia in NYC.  

I tell him all the time I don't know how he manages each night with that mask on, or with the lack of sleep.  I was so touched because it made me think of how most nights it's like sleeping in a wind tunnel.  most of the night he will spoon me, and I will be getting a cold rush of air down my neck and back, or I will hear shreaking in my ear and tell him to turn over, or help him fix his mask.  Aww I love my husband!

Lyssapie, my sympathies.... when I switched form the old Swift nasal pillows to the Swift 2 the wind tunnel effect was grealy reduced... now I have to put my hand tehre sometimes to reassure myself taht I turned it on. There is also an issue that fo most of us good mariage arangements rely on a mix of spontaneity and proper planning.... part of the bedroom chemistry that a good marriage needs. CPAP complicates that aspect.
Now I happen to live a couple of miles from Columbia and never cosnidered using it for the sleep center. NYU is considered an exceptional place.... but I get my care form a sleep specialist just over the GW bridge


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Arthur
Sleeping with a curvaceous blonde autoPAP (Resmed autoset). Hope springs eternal.....

Hello, I just signed up to this forum because my live in boyfriend has been diagnosed with severe sleep Apnea about 2 1/2 months or so ago. It is a big struggle for him getting used to the mask and he takes it off at night and I am a very very light sleeper so I wake up and make him put it back on. He is also a back sleeper and keeps his mouth open when he sleeps. We have been struggling with this problem for a while now but I think he is getting used to it. Sometimes I watch him sleep and he looks so sweet and peaceful. I can also tell that he sleeps so much better when he has it on. It is very hard for me to adjust to this because he used to spoon me and that's how we used to sleep but now he kinda has to find whats comfortable for him and since I love him with all my heart and want him to sleep peacefully i just let him fall asleep where he is comfortable. This is a nice thread.  

Tired&Scared,

You sound like a great girlfriend.  Does he use a mask that covers just his nose or one that covers both his mouth and nose?  If he is not using a mask that covers his mouth and his mouth is opening, then his therapsy will not work, he is completely bypassing the function  of the CPAP, and his health will degenerate.  So he needs to find an interface that he likes which covers his mouth as well and there are several different ways that can be done.

If you want to spoon, maybe he can find a mask that would not blow air on you or maybe you can be the outside spooner.

You probably already know why it is so important that he be treated, but some of the effects of untreated apnea are at the end in case you are not aware.

Keep posting and letting us know how we can help the two of you!!

Vicki

The effects of untreated sleep apnea are severe and systemic.  Some of them are; increased blood pressure, increased risk of heart attack and stroke (from the constant cycling in and out of hypoxia and increased blood pressure), heart arrhythmias, nocturia (because the increased pressure in the right heart ventricle makes the body think there is too much blood volume so urine is produced), headaches (probably from the hypoxia), fatigue (duh), memory and concentration problems, weight gain (sleep deprivation causes weight gain for several physiological reasons, one being the alteration of the hormones leptin and ghrelin), apnea induced seizures, there is a link to diabetes, there is a link to GERD, night sweats, depression, anxiety (each apneic event is a true suffocation and elicits the "Fight or Flight" adrenalin response), Fibromyalgia-like symptoms, impotence, relationship and job issues, car accidents, etc.


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Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Marilyn Von Savant

That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

Hi, Vicki thanks for the info. Well he has the nasal pillows as they were recommended as the most comfortable for him. Also he has the resmed vpap machine w/ humidifier. When he has the machine on he closes his mouth its only when he takes it off (he takes the mask off while sleeping) that he opens his mouth. I have to admit that he is doing a little better but I am trying to work with him on the whole keeping it on for the whole night. His problem is that he wants to be defiant and stay up to play his playstation 3. I am trying to make him understand the importance of having a daily sleep routine but I am just not getting through to him. I am not going to stop trying but its very very frustrating cause he is very hard headed. Thanks for the extra info that I wasn't aware of. That makes me want to keep giving it my all. Thanks again Vicki!