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Last edited by confusedgal63 on Sun Dec 02, 2007 12:47 am; edited 1 time in total

confusedgal63 wrote:

I guess it would be nice if he could actually listen to what I had to say for a change. Too bad it always has to be about him and his needs.

This sounds like your first posts months ago.  And it doesn't sound anything like an apnea issue.  You got very upset when I suggested this previously, but don't you think you and your husband need some counseling?  We can't help you with this one.

Vicki


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That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

If you "could" care less, then you DO care. A Freudian slip perhaps. You must take the appropriate action at once. You have already proclaimed yourself to be "confused." Alternative: "Get thee to a nunnery!" -Shakekspeare

It sounds like along the way of being sole care-taker for your husband you've forgotton to take care of yourself.   Now that you are clearly recognizing that YOU arent getting your rest- be proactive!  Sleep in the guest room or on the couch and take care of yourself.   Im pretty sure that being a martyr (reminding a grown man every night to put his mask on) will not help you or your relationship one bit, nor will it help you get the rest you need.  


There is no reason why you should continue to see to every detail now that he is well on his way to helping himself.  You've done your part as a supportive spouse, now make a CHOICE to focus on yourself.  If you cannot let go and not controll the small details of his sleeping life- then you, yourself need to jump into therapy and work on why you cannot let go.  


Good luck!

Something that has not been addressed is DO YOU Have a SLeep Problem?   If the noise of your partners machine is keeping you awake, then you may well not be getting good sleep yourself.  

My husband sleeps with a Cpap and I have nudged him to tell him to put on the mask because I did not hear the machine or the exhalation from his mask.  Only to find that he had the mask on and the machine is running.  

If you are sensitive to the noise, or feel that it is keeping you awake, then I suggest that you get yourself tested to see if you are getting into the deeper sleep in which you would not hear this equpment.

I also work in a sleep lab and have had spouses that come in for sleep testing, because their snoring or movement was keeping a spouse up, only to find out that they did not have a problem.  Then the complaining spouse was checked out and found to have the problem, the complaining spouse just assumed it was the other keeping them up and disrupting their sleep.

I was just diagnosed with sleep apnea and was told I am in a life threatening situation without C-PAP and maybe even surgery.  This poor woman enforces my concerns for not going on the machine because my wife will most likely feel as she does.

There is more a lot of us need to do besides using a machine like loosing a lot of weight via diet and exercise. A lot of people only want the quick fixes to problems that are caused by more then one thing. How many diabetics do you all know who are on insulin, but refuse to adjust their diet to lower glucose and lower fat foods.

I know what the young lady is complaining about because I have been one of those people who just did not care until my body completely broke down. Maybe her husband needs the counseling or a darn good scare to take other measures that could expedite him getting off that noisy machine as soon as possible.

My wife snores too, but it has not affected her health because she eats right and exercises and gets enough sleep.

We need to resprect each other and respect ourselves.

Hang in there young lady. Maybe the machine can be relocated in a differnt spot. From what I understand, it he stops breathing, he will wake up, no drop dead.

"Maybe her husband needs the counseling or a darn good scare to take other measures that could expedite him getting off that noisy machine as soon as possible."



One would think that a diagnosis of sleep apnea and all the possible consequences that go with it would be enough to scare anyone. The thought of suffering a stroke or heart attack while asleep is certainly not appealing to me. There are worse things than using a mask and machine. Being an invalid or in a vegetative state are two of them.

You also state that if one simply loses weight, etc. the need for cpap would be eliminated. While some people's apnea does go away after weight loss, for many others it does not and in fact many people who have sleep apnea are not overweight to begin with. It is not always a case of people not taking care of themselves, it is a medical condition that affects all ages,races,and body types, be they skinny or fat. The point is that it is a true medical condition, one which needs to be taken seriously, and one that should not have blame placed upon the patient. We have enough to deal with without being blamed for our own ailment!

sleepyjean



Last edited by sleepyjean on Wed Oct 31, 2007 7:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
_________________
Cheer up, sleepy Jean
oh what can it mean
to a daydream believer
and a homecoming queen.

The Monkees

Quote:

The point is that it is a true medical condition, one which needs to be taken seriously, and one that should not have blame placed upon the patient. We have enough to deal with without being blamed for our own ailment!

Good for you, SleepyJean


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ResMed S8 Elite, F&P Flexifit 406, Optilife
AHI 54/hr, Pressure 8, desat. 73

You, in a life and death situation, and concerned about whether your spouse will continue to think of you as sexy? Are you nuts. Forget about "Confused Gal" she already admitted she was confused. You take care of yourself!

Morellwj3,

You are not aware of the affects of untreated sleep apnea.  Here are some:

The effects of untreated sleep apnea are severe and systemic.  Some of them are; increased risk of heart attack and stroke, increased blood pressure, heart arrhythmias, nocturia, headaches, fatigue (duh), memory and concentration problems, weight gain (sleep deprivation causes weight gain for several physiological reasons), there is a link to diabetes, there is a link to GERD, night sweats, depression, anxiety (each apneic event is a true suffocation and elicits the "Fright or Flight" adrenalin response), Fibromyalgia-like symptoms, impotence, relationship and job issues, car accidents, etc.

Confused Gal is not some poor woman.  Search for her posts in the Google Tool bar on the left and you will see that her posts are repetitively about how inconvenienced she is by her husband's CPAP therapy.  In the over 9000 registered users we have had, she and one other have been the only two to be permanently and inconsolably unhappy that their husbands are getting treated.  All other spouses who post have begged us to help them figure out a way to get their spouse to get diagnosed or to help them find a way to get their spouses to use their CPAP.

Spouses who have difficultly accepting it at first, usually come to greatly appreciate it when they become educated about it and learn that 1.  It isn’t the big deal they thought it would be.  2.  It does not affect intimacy.  Most people wait until after sex to put on their mask and if you want to snuggle when you sleep, most people find ways to do that.  3.  The spouse has a greatly improved quality of life and is able to become a more involved and active member of the family than they have been able to be in months or years.

Confused Gal has absolutely refused any of our suggestions to help her acclimate and cope and the post at the beginning of this thread (and many others) clearly shows that the issues in her marriage go far beyond her ability to cope with her husband's CPAP therapy.

Morellwj3, your post is precisely the reason we moderators did not want a spousal support topic because, while most spouses want to keep their significant others alive and will do anything to ensure that happens, we have someone like Confused Gal post and that may drive you and other patients away from CPAP therapy and maintaining your health for both yourself and those who love and care deeply about you.

You are misinformed if you think that losing weight will cure you of apnea.  It usually does not, but it does decrease the pressure required to open ones airway so it makes CPAP compliance easier.  Additionally, untreated apnea CAUSES weight gain due to several physiological factors.  Therefore, it is extremely difficult to lose weight if your apnea is untreated (i.e., you are not using a CPAP).

Education cures ignorance and fear.  You should become educated about your disorder and your treatment and share that information with your family.

Have you had a sleep study yet?  Keep us informed how your therapy goes!

Vicki


_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

I read his other posts, Morellwj3 had a split night study and is awaiting cpap, if I read the posts correctly.  His apnea is severe.

Morellwj3, you owe it to yourself to start using cpap.  There is no point in predicting how your wife will adjust to you using it.  Her reaction and happiness at seeing the new you may surprise you.  But most importantly, judging from your health, cpap just might save or extend your life.  Anyone who avoids starting cpap on the fear of how it disrupts their family life risks finding out later that "oops, I was wrong" is a realization found out too late.  Cpap won't cure all problems but it will help you to breathe, and breathing can improve your health.
   

You say "my wife snores too, but it has not affected her health because she eats right and exercises and gets enough sleep."  First of all snoring is NOT sleep apnea.  It's a breathing disorder, it just so happens that most people with sleep apnea also snore.  There is a big difference between snoring and sleep apnea, but snoring is a symptom, a signal that there might be sleep apnea.  Second, getting "enough" sleep has nothing to do with it.  I had severe sleep apnea and I slept my days away (before diagnosis).  It turns out that was only killing me even quicker because it meant that my uncontrolled need to try and sleep because of excessive daytime sleepiness was adding to the number of times I stopped breathing throughout the day.  And thirdly, sleep apnea is a progressive condition, it gets worse if left untreated, people in early stages of sleep apnea do not have many of the typical symptoms.  I am not saying your wife has sleep apnea, but only testing can tell if she doesn't have it.  You should not make this statement based on her snoring, but based on if she STOPS snoring.

Saying that someone needs "a darn good scare to take other measures that could expedite him getting off that noisy machine as soon as possible" is doing a disservice to those reading these posts (and far more read than actually post).  We do not want to scare people away from a treatment that could well save their lives.  I am asking you not to make such scares openly here.  .... Look at it this way.... If you start to use your cpap and find that it has indeed improved your health and maybe saved your life, would you have wanted to be scared off of it before the opportunity to be helped?  

Please encourage people who have been told they need cpap to use it, don't discourage them.  Cpap is an immediate treatment.  The sleep apnea needs to be treated.  Then if some other course of action (such as loss of weight, or whatever) improves or eliminates the condition and the need for cpap, then so be it.  

I am hoping cpap will help you.  It may well help you long enough to regain the clarity and perspective needed to make other decisions affecting your health.


Linda


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Morellwj3,

Just wanted to quickly add, most CPAP machines are quiet.  You can ask on the forum which ones people think are the quietest.  Since they are simply very fancy small fans, all it sounds like is exactly that, a small fan running.  Many people like the low "white noice" that a CPAP generates and they find it comforting.  At the very least, people lfind the sound of a CPAP much, much more acceptable and tolerable than those of us whose snoring wakes the next door neighbors (mine really did).

Vicki


_________________
That which does not kill you makes you stronger-Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich must of had apnea.

My new machine is so d--n quiet that I had to buy one of those "white sound" gadgets to make up for it. Used to pretend I was in my bunk aboard the Graf Zep' listening to its four beautifully tuned Maybach Diesels. And as for being sexy, am even more so as a hose head. Hose, get it?

You gotta get a white noise generator....just a smooth whooshing sound of white noise. I love mine...without it I listen to myself breathe and wonder if my wife hears it and I stay awake...9 times out of 10 she's fast asleep anyways.

It will mask any ihalation/exhalation noise you are hearing.

Also consider getting a longer hose (wrapped in a fleece hose cover) and putting the CPAP inside the nightstand or a almost closed box to minimize noise.  I would keep it off the floor to prevent quick dust build up.


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RemStar Pro M-Series with C-Flex jamming 10 cm H20 down my piehole And finally getting a good night's sleep...every night!!!!

Hi Morell,

I just want to say that my husband LOVES my CPAP machine! Not all spouses think CPAP is a bad thing!


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Machine: Puritan-Bennett GoodKnight 420E (Auto)
Mask: OptiLife/Hybrid